Pre-Paleo Countdown: Scharffenberger Cocoa and New Years' Wish Edition

Koko, T-minus-one
Music: David Bowie, "Boys Keep Swinging"

For 2011 I humbly submit my request: I want a year without irony. I'm too old for it and I've had enough of the stuff for 2  lives already. It is lazy and it's cowardly. It says one thing, then winks and does the opposite. It suckerpunches right where it hurts. It wraps itself in Kevlar, skulking and caging. Instead of just asking, instead of just saying. Instead of just shooting straight.

For me I want a guileless year, a great big dorky trusting American tourist smile of a year: openhearted, sincere, and naive. Its big bloody heart right out there on its sleeve.

Too warm to worry about acting cool. Not savvy enough to wonder about the subtext.

I want a year in which you assume the best from me and I believe only the best about you, so we can each of us trust the other. As simple as that, whoever the "you" and "me" are, in every combination.

A year without hospitals would be pretty great too.

(And for you: I want whatever it is you want for your self. We deserve it, all of us.)

2010, you were a delight in some ways. In others you brought pain I haven't felt in a very long time. I like to avoid such "character building," such "learning experiences." But I look back grateful for the time. And grateful that it's over, and grateful to have gotten a peek at the truth, especially the times that I've wanted to see it least.


Yours,

Koko, who never feels worse than after napping in the daytime

Pre-Paleo Countdown: Later That Evening Edition

Koko, T-minus-two
Music: The Police, Regatta de Blanc

Yep, dinner was delightful. Mandy was in top form and the fellas at the next table over were a hoot. It was good to chat and laugh with friends. Last minute we decided to not meet up for the second leg of the evening and indulge in the best tropical drinks in the city. I love a tiki bar more than the average girl but after two glasses of wine no good could come of rum and fruit juice, cute little umbrellas or no. I'm not yet paleo this week but no need to go kookoo with it.

Lolo looked hot as usual and any weight she thinks December is manifesting is totally invisible. I wonder why that bitch Carroll has never commented on my spectacular weight fluctuation.

Can't wait to read the fellas' pasta blog. Let's hope it is just as self-indulgent and self-referential as this one.

And with that, I leave off, except to say that damn straight I can feel a difference between what has been normal eating this week (mostly paleo) and the donut holes with butter bourbon sauce that ended my otherwise pretty decent meal this evening. Feeling stuffed and sugary isn't pleasant and I hope I will remember that the next time deep fried doughy bourbon stuff rears its tasty head.

Yours,
Koko

Lolo T-Minus 3 days-- The Evening Edition

Met up with Koko and some of our other beautiful friends for a birthday party at a super fancy restaurant where I paid 29.33 for two glasses of Pinot for me and the Goose. My New Year's resolution is not to freak out about money. We have been saving up all of 2010 to do IVF. We have about 70% of as much as we need. So, that's not bad. But this year of scrimping and saving has turned me into a worry wart of sorts when it comes to the finances. I hate that. I used to have more of a devil may care attitude about finances, but now I'm scared all the time. I've hit that scarcity place. I know that money is simply energy, it flows in, it flows out, you can't "make" money per say, the same way you can't make water, it's all recycled and flows in different ways, you can just influence the direction of it. Yet, I feel scared constantly. It makes me feel like a loser. I don't want to worry and scrimp and save and be in scarcity mode. It's something I need to look at and find a new perspective.
The food was awesome. We had portobello french fries dipped in some good ass shit. I know it wasn't Hidden Valley Ranch dressing, but yeah, it was that good. Then we had this Ahi salad and a vegetarian casserole thing in the end. We actually could have had a full on Paleo meal there if need be, but we didn't. I wound up again, with a huge headache. Me and the Goose left early and he commented that I get less headaches and am less fatigued when I'm doing Paleo. Then he gave me his support for our 30 days and our blog. So that was good.  Then I cried in the car on the way home. I don't know why. It's just been a hard year. I was telling the Goose that I'm just not over a lot of the shit that we've been through this year. He told me that he didn't expect me to be. So that was good. Now I'm laying in bed with a headache while he makes tea for us. It's kind of sweet. Soon we'll watch the Nanny. He's obsessed with Fran Drescher.  It's weird, but it's good. I wore my favorite blue DVF wrap dress tonight and felt a little less comfortable in it than I have throughout most of the fall. Again, the December padding is rearing it's ugly head. But I think I'm being oversensitive. It's probably not noticeable to anyone other than myself and our friend (we'll call him Carroll) who notices whenever anyone gains or loses weight. I always find that odd for a straight man. Speaking of odd for a straight man, there was a cadre of gay men at the party this evening. At first I thought that they were there for our friend (I'll call her Mandy), but then I realized that they were there for their own separate party. It seems like Mandy would have a huge gay  following, like Cher or Judy Garland or even Bette Midler. At one point, one of the men from the party came over to talk to her and then wound up flirting with her husband who is decidedly bear like. We in fact call him "the Griz" like as in Grizzly Bear. Anyway, none of that is Paleo-ish. But since I've not started doing Paleo, I don't have it to talk about it. Oh yeah, the reason I decided to start on January 2nd instead of January 1st is that we have dinner at my cousin's house on New Year's night and his lady friend is a vegetarian, so I assume she'll be serving up pasta or something like that.

The Goose and Mr. Koko had a good laugh about this blog tonight. They're going to write a blog together that's anti-us. We think it will look like this:

Day One: I wish I had spaghetti, but the wife made me chicken and kale. Lame.
Day Two: I sure wish I had spaghetti, but the wife made steak and brussell sprouts. God, why can't she just make me spaghetti, it's not like it's hard.
Day Three: The wife made me bacon and eggs for breakfast this morning. It was lame because I wanted a spaghetti omelet. Sad face.
Day Four: The wife made me cookies out of coconut flour and cocoa nibs. I wish that I had a cookie. The nibs are nasty. The cat licked one of  them though.
Day Five: If it were up to me, I'd have wine and spaghetti for dinner tonight. But it looks like a kale and butternut squash melange. Butter Junk! I'm so mad.

Lolo T-Minus 3 days

Woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed at the brutal hour of 9am. Maybe this being infertile thing isn't too bad. I imagine that a 9am sleep in is probably not in the cards for Koko too often these days. Willed myself to eat breakfast, had an orange and some turkey sausage and a cup of black tea.  Made a decision to skip my run today and let my body rest.  Working a full day today, but looking forward to tomorrow night.

I'm down for not drinking wine for 30 days. It's good to give my liver a rest. But I will say that I don't believe that wine is non-Paleo despite what the books say. And this is why... I once saw a bunch of deer hanging out in the parking lot of Spirit Rock eating rotted fruit that'd fallen from the tree (read fermented)-- they were all just standing around drooling... they were a gang of drunk deer. So, I figure that cavemen were probably getting trashed when they could as well.


My jeans seem to be getting snug as December continues to loll on, tempting me with it's latkes, kugels, christmas cookies, christmas pizzas and christmas bagels, not to mention it's new years baguettes, spaghetti and rum drinks.   Oh well, December is what it is.  It's the month to pack on some pounds. That's fine with me.

Lolo T-Minus 4 days

I can't wait to start. For some reason, I'm having a great deal of trouble doing this in these pre paleo days. I had quite the restless night as the goose was tossing and turning all night. I finally fell asleep after the goose left at 7 this morning and slept till 10. I was of course late for work. Chugged down my vitamins with a cup of black tea and tomato juice and busted into the office.  Came home for a brief break, chugged a latte (I had a free starbucks coupon that expired today- and I couldn't let it go) and ran 4 miles. I worked for a minute, showered, went back to work, and at about 6:30 this evening realized that I was starved. Lame. I totally forgot not just breakfast, but lunch too. That's another thing that I need to be vigilant about,  not skipping meals. This isn't unusual, I'll wake up later, rush to work, run around doing errands and then come 3, 4, 5, and in this case even later, realize that I hadn't made any time to eat in the daytime. Come evening, I am so hungry that I eat things that I hadn't wanted to.  By the time I got home at 9 this evening, the goose had friends over and a giant thing of noodle kugle, complete with sugar, sour cream, etc. etc. and a giant bowl of chips and salsa. So, I ate it of course, I was hungry and not necessarily down with making a separate meal for myself in front of his friends. I steamed some vegetables for good measure and ate some broccoli and butternut squash. It's funny, I'd barely been eating any sugar or wheat at all this past year, but all of a sudden, the second week of December, and since then I've been going nuts for these decidely unPaleo foods. I told the Grey Goose about our 30 days of strict Paleo and he's down with it. I definitely feel better on it.
Moodwise I'm feeling better, those first 5 days of my period are always brutal. But it's over and now I'm feeling more like myself. Looking forward to seeing friends tomorrow and new years eve. Am excited for the challenge of staying on Paleo while being with my family for 5 days the first week in January. Falling asleep now. kisses.

Pre-Paleo Countdown: More Emo Koko, Now with Skin!

Koko Day T-minus-three

Oh, feelings. Some major things I'm eager to see affected on this paleo experiment are mental. I have depressive tendencies and some post-traumatic stress, according to my cadre of social scientists. I'm still nursing a toddler so I'm not a great candidate for pharmaceutical enhancement. That's all well and good; I generally love to go it au naturale. I'm trained as an herbalist and I avoid so much as an aspirin when I have a headache. But for depression and anxiety, I've had my best successes in the following ascending order:

Wellbutrin worked well.

Acupuncture worked better

Training for a half marathon worked by far the best.

Problem is, when you're down you're down and even brewing up a strong happy-making tea feels like a hell of a mountain. Getting in for twice-weekly acupuncture and running every day are great ideas but pretty much not going to happen.

So I expect and hope to decrease blood sugar spikes and dips while increasing energy. I went through a somewhat manic period concurrent with my last paleo experiment so I don't know if it was the great food or the crazy in my brain that made me want to jog and yoga at all hours. Now that I'm in a decidedly more reflective place (reflective: that's a nicer word than sad, isn't it?) I am curious to see how the dietary change affects my mind.

On the skin front, I am in the depths of monthly hormone-itis but left the house without feeling the need for even a speck of concealer. The pimplage that was in constant eruption during most of December's sugar- and booze-fest has died down into something not yet luminous but no longer looking like gravel paved over. So there is encouraging progress already.

A roast is slow cooking in a heavy french pot; oxtails are thawing for some later project; meatloaf is baking and smelling delicious if I bothered to sniff.

Amazing that I can eat a cow for breakfast and still feel like the bottom of the food chain.

Yours,
Koko

The image above came from this site.

Lolo's Pre Paleo Musings

It is just about 6 days until January 2nd when I start on my strict 30 day Paleo experiment.  Last night I ate half a pizza and then a ton of cookies with my friend S. By the end of the night I was miserable and nauseous.  For the most part I try to eat paleo, though not strictly, but when I go for the pizza or cookies, I feel it. I feel like I've been hit by a mac truck this morning. Lethargic, nauseous, achy. It's odd.
I've been thinking about what I want to measure here while we do the 30 days.  Probably vitality and stress level. We won't be starting our IVF treatment until February so this will be a good time to get my body into fighting shape for getting crazy ass hormone shots.  I'm not too concerned about weight, but I do know that when I'm eating crappy, I do tend to put weight on, so staying stable where I am long term would be nice. I am also interested in adding a couple of other things to my Paleo lifestyle that are probably not super Paleo, those being a) daily meditation and b)daily flossing.

 Yes, I'm gross, I only floss like 2 or 3 days a week. The husband (let's call him the Grey Goose) is obsessed with flossing. He's always browbeating me with tall tales of halitosis and tooth decay.  I shove vitamins down his throat every night and he chases me around the flat with floss. You can tell that things in our home are sexy and exciting.


Lolo has had a devil may care attitude with food this week. Some of the major players have been pizza! With guest stars, cookie dough! And super special surprise guest, burrito! with cheese!

I do know that after 3 or 4 nice paleo days, that I begin to feel great. Koko, you make a great point about the lasagna. I'll make an alternative to that as well. Maybe I'll stir fry some kale and chicken and butternut squash and onions, just in case.

I actively took Friday and Saturday off from running. It was Christmas Eve and Christmas. I don't celebrate it, but my period showed up on Christmas Eve morning, 5 days late. It was like a cruel Christmas joke. I thought that I was going to have a Christmas miracle for my Catholic husband. But alas, none. So I spent Friday and Saturday incredibly sad and hormonal and splayed on the couch. I worked a lot during that time on a book about food and feelings that I've been working on while the Grey Goose sat and studied.
Sunday I was on my way out to run when my  friend called to tell me that he was attacked by hoodlums not too far from my house. So, I skipped the run to bring him to the ER while they tended to his broken jaw. I came home frazzled and crazed and ate about 10 cookies. Unlike me. The cookie thing has lasted until today. I dislike hospitals intensely. I spent a lot of time in them while my mother was dying and now, being in them just pulls at me in an visceral way.
I ran about 3 1/2 miles yesterday and ate about another 10 cookies and a bunch of pizza and today, I ran about 5 miles and also ate a bunch of pizza, not to mention a bunch of cookies and a burrito for dinner. It's a little crazy. I almost never eat this way, and if I do, it doesn't continue for days on end. The hospital visit threw me. And the person I was with threw me. We talked a lot in the 5 hours that we were there about my year. And it's been a hard year. And when he found out that his jaw was broken, he kind of pulled away (I think he was very upset, but too macho to show it) and I felt abandoned and rejected. And then comes the food. Saying it out loud is helpful. The worst part about eating crappy, or acting out with food is the way my body feels, so I'm looking forward to the structure of this all.
Oh yeah, I have a big intention to remember to always eat breakfast. I love breakfast, and I often forget about it. That's lame. And bacon is my favorite thing ever.