Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Lolo Paleo Roundup 2 weeks after the fact

Okay, so here's my Paleo round up. I lost a few pounds. I'm not sure how many, somewhere between 3-5. That's only significant because I know that I increased my fat and calories significantly. So, that disproves the whole a calorie is a calorie argument.  My eczema has gone away and my skin has stopped breaking out since I stopped. So, poo on them for their claims of perfect skin. I had the worst menses of my life on it. I did have increased energy and was able to exercise a bunch. That was good. It was also good to have something to focus on that isn't IVF or our fertility issues. Now that I'm not doing Paleo, that's the focus and I hate it. We were supposed to start in 6 days, but I canceled it. I am too freaked out by the whole thing. First off, we don't have all the money we need and will have to put $10,000.00 on credit cards, which sucks and will take years to pay off, but that's the least of my problems. I just don't want something that fucking invasive to happen to my body. I spent the night crying as did the husband. We just want a family so badly and we've been trying for so long, and so many fucked up things have happened along the way these past 2 1/2 years of trying, and we're just so sad and we feel so depressed and so alone. But I'm not ready to start giving myself shots every day. I'm not ready to inject myself with hormones. The nurse was going through the list of side effects that I will no doubt feel and I started getting woozy and overwhelmed. I have no problem popping a xanax here and there or downing a glass (or 3) of wine when I'm needing a little extra comfort. But this... this is fucking scary. And I'm mortified. And we just don't know what to do.  Oh well. It is what it is. The husband is taking me away for the weekend, i don't know where to so we can try to not think about it for a few days. Stupid sperm.

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