Monday, January 31, 2011

Lolo reports on Butterbrain

Hey Koko,

Keep letting Paleo kid eat them whole sticks of butter. Check this out. Teeny tiny study indicates that butter increases brain function. Coconut oil, not so much.  So what's it called? Clarified ghee? Will buy tomorrow!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Lolo Day 29

Today was an unintentional vegan Paleo day. 
Breakfast was an apple and 4 or 5 walnut/date rolls. (yum!)
Lunch was 2-3 handsful of cashews, another apple and another several date rolls.
Dinner was this awesome soup that me and the husband made up. Carrots, olive oil, sweet potatoes  onions, ginger, cashews, garlic, coconut milk, curry, cayenne, all pureed in the blender. It was amazing! And we're going to be so vitamin A-y tomorrow. Oh yeah, I put chicken stock in the soup. Oh well, there goes my vegan theory.
We went to Ghiradelli Square and the old man had a hot chocolate with whipped cream and I had a green tea. There were all these people eating all these hot fudge sundaes out of giant fountain glasses. But it passed and I felt fine about it. Only one more day, then it's Paleo for the less hardcore, yet still conscientious. Which I'm psyched about. Today is the 30th, which makes it the last day for Koko me thinks. How'd that all go? Paleo roundup?

Lolo Day-26, 27, 28, Falling off the Wagon- Getting Back On, Etc.

Day 27 made me realize this.... without wine, I'm kind of an anxious person. Me and the husband decided to just say "fuck it" and grab a glass of wine with dinner. I had 2. But besides that, food was fine. Friday, day 28, was a different story. There was several chocolate bars in the freezer that someone had brought over for a party which had been lingering since New Years Eve. I opened the refrigerator and stared and stared and stared and finally ate about half of one. It was ridiculously delicious. Then, later that night, had several fork fulls of the husbands Indian food, including a few bites of some wheat-a-licious Dosas. Then, day 28, which wasn't a complete failure, but I drank several cups of very caffeinated tea, and probably 3 or 4 of them I added a bit of cream. But besides that, food was fine. So, one day where I totally bit it with food, and the other two days with fluids. Though, I'm not really set up to call a few ounces of cream in my tea complete failure.
And this is why any kind of severe restriction is mentally unhealthy. Because a few ounces of cream in tea is not a failure. I think one of the problems was reading this. Which is incredibly pejorative and creates incredibly polarized thinking. I will say that many many days of eating this way did not change my life for the better. My period was awful. The worst period that I had since I was a young teenager. Clotty, heavy, incredible PMS and something that felt akin to a mood disorder. I felt emotionally as crappy as I did when I was on clomid. My eczema has been bad for most of this experiment, but since really cutting down on nuts the past few days, it's been better.  I don't know about my weight. I will say that I believe I'm eating much more fat and many more calories than I usually do, but I don't think that I am gaining weight. I don't feel like I am at all, so that's pretty interesting and really disproves the calorie is a calorie hypothesis. Yet, I don't know. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday, I'll get weighed then and find out if I've gained any weight. My suspicion is no.  I'm interested in the period thing though. It's not like my eating has been very different. Although, my intake of fruit, nuts and coconut products has increased dramatically. I think there might be a connection between progesterone and coconuts, but I'm unsure. I have today and tomorrow to finish strong, which I think I probably will.
For the most part, I love eating whole unprocessed foods. I think that wheat and my body are not a good combo. But I miss things like refried beans, I miss latte's, and I miss being able to snatch a bite of the husband's brownie or cookie if I want it, or mixing up some almonds and raisins and sunflower seeds and raw honey in goat milk yogurt. Yum, that's good stuff. I don't think I'll do a 30 day experiment like this again, because what is has mostly proven to me is that any kind of food restriction can trigger lots of different eating disorder thoughts and behaviors. Such as, an obsession with chocolate or a brownie, which I've not had since I used to diet. I found myself dreaming of the day we stopped this so that I could have a pancake/cereal/brownie/ice cream party.  Which is interesting because I just really didn't eat like that before this experiment, but the severe restriction creates a bingeing mentality.  It's so good for me to remember that. I am a little nervous about how to stop this without falling prey to some kind of non paleo binge.  So, that's something to meditate on and plan for over the next few days.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Koko, Off the Rails

I took yesterday on with not one but two cups of coffee with cream and a cookie I knew damned well included trans fats. Then I went to (mostly paleo) dinner and had two glasses of wine which I'm sure contained roofies. George Michael on the restaurant stereo made me cry. So did Bruce Springsteen. Later, it was Family Dance Party with the Pogues, the Village People, Stiff Little Fingers and Dexy's (Goddamn) Midnight Runners. Lots of jumping around; more exercise than I had had in days. Followed by Facebook overposting and vivid sad dreams in which I discovered that a former lover had had his portrait drawn by Jaime Hernandez. I woke up (you guessed it:) crying. You see, people, I got drunk and teleported back to 1991 and IT WAS NO GOOD. For the love of Benji, regimenting makes me crazy. Lack of planning makes me crazy. PMS makes me crazy. Apparently two slugs of Folie a Deux make me crazy. Being sick and mothering while my partner is traveling doesn't help. But seriously- what fucking dumb choices I made yesterday.

I wake up today a little shamed and I feel on some level, Now that's more like it.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Days 26-28 Koko

So sick. It's been a tough week of having le crud and Tall Guy being out of town on business. Food is food-- meaty, veggie, lots of eggy-wegs. Lots of walking but no sweating. A bit of yoga here and there, mostly restorative so again no sweat.

I'm very happy other than being cruddy and ill. Looking forward to this challenge being over so I can be enthusiastic about paleo again. Restrictive eating makes me want to "cheat" and binge. I am abusing Lara bars because knowing I "can't" eat and bran muffin makes me mad to get my hands on one. It's so stupid.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Lolo Day 25

I admit, I am relieved that I only have 5 more days of this. Eczema remains at bay. Pink eye is healed up and crimson tide is diminishing. Today was tiring and exhausting. Repetitive.
2 mile run.
coffee-- no time for breakfast-- ran out the house and went to work hungry.
lunch-- sweetpotato, stringbeans, lettuce peppers, salmon
snack--2 oranges
dinner-- chicken tortilla soup sans tortillas, 2 chicken verde tacos
desert-- pineapple & 1/2 pomelo.
time to go to sleep now. xo

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Lolo Day 24

Mmmmm.... I am eating something so fucking crazy delicious that I can just about bust a nut. I will call it Kokoloko Delight..... It's chunks of pineapples and bananas smothered in coconut cream with cinnamon sprinkled on top. It's better than an ice cream sundae.
Today was fine.
I had to get a bunch of blood tests. It was kind of exciting though because I ran into an old friend at the hospital and we wound up chatting for like 1/2 hour, and then we got to talk again tonight.
The phlebotomist was a very angry Chinese lady who told me that she was a nurse before she came to this country but she can't bear to be a nurse here because Americans are all spoiled and have a ridiculous and unrealistic sense of entitlement and they all take too many paper towels when they dry their hands. What do they need all those paper towels for anyway? I was in no state to argue with her being that she had a needle in my vein as she was pulling NINE vials of blood from me. Anyway, she made some very good points, especially when she said, "why do americans need so much money anyway?  you only eat 3 meals a day, so how much money do you need for that?" Good point Mrs. Veinny Popper. She complimented me on my giant veins and said I was  Phlebotomist's dream.
Food was good. I took a day off of exercise. I'm kind of sore from the Vinyasa class.
Breakfast was coffee and a grapefruit and 3 slices of bacon.
Lunch was 1/2 a pomelo and 3 fried eggs and one whole avocado.
Dinner was a stirfry of chard, sweetpotato, chunks of salmon, orange & yellow pepper, garlic, & ginger.
And desert was my banana, pineapple, coconut cream, cinnamon melange.
Eczema hasn't broken out today. Lots of fruit, but no nuts. We'll see how it goes tomorrow too, another day with fruit and no nuts. Maybe the day after I'll switch out fruit for nuts and see if I break out again.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Lolo day 23- The Menses Edition

So, I'm on day 2 of my period and this has got to me the most intense period that I've had since age 13. I am bleeding thick gigantic blood clots, I'm filling up super tampons and leaking through. I've been an emotional wreck, bloated, acne, and not to mention that my eczema has been breaking out in a way that it rarely, rarely does since I've been strict paleo. I wonder if not drinking has thickened up my blood? If so, I need a glass of pinot. STAT.  I've been weepy and bad moodish since Thursday and it seems to be wholly hormonal. I don't usually have emotional periods, but I started PMSing the same day as my pink eye started.
Woke up this morning, coffee & and apple.
3 mile run
came home and ate a minimally processed gigantic turkey sausage
worked for a few hours
came home and ate like half a jar of sunbutter

Vinyasa yoga class
came home and drank some coconut water and ate the remaining half jar of sunbutter with a banana dipped in. Crazy delicious
worked for a few more hours
home and ate two chicken tacos and an orange.

I think I'm addicted to sun butter. It's so, so, so good. But I probably shouldn't be eating a jar in a day.

I'm disturbed by my eczema. It's getting worse rather than better. I guess I can sort of isolate the cause now since my diet is so restricted. I have to either give up nuts/seeds or fruit and see what happens. My hunch is that it's fruit, because I've noticed that this can be related to blood sugar highs.

Day 24 - Koko, back to it

Back to the new normal again. Had a nice brunch of arugula and eggs, some blueberries and tea. Looking forward to getting out for some sun with my little kid (whom I'm also eager to get back on the plan-- he is a straight sleepless freak when he eats grains, dairy and sugar- complete with all-night complaining, kicking legs, and 4am screams).

Spring is springing here in the sweet of winter. I feel good.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Days 21, 22 and 23 Koko es la Fail!

Let's not call it failure. Let's call it:

A maximally-processed Polish dog
Cake (two kinds)
Potatoes with butter
Pinto Beans
and. . . . . . .


It's been three days of much "bad" and much pretty good, given the (visiting in-laws, travelling by Amtrak) circumstances.

I'm tired and I feel fat but I've enjoyed all the yummy stuff and I'm happy about my three-week mark cheat days.

I'm happy to get back on my plan with renewed enthusiasm and I remember now why regementing food like a person who lacks hobbies makes me crazy.

Arrrrriba! (The margarita was tonight),


Lolo Day 22- Pinkish Eye

I have been mostly uncomfortable for days. Honestly, there is nothing more sexy than a grumpy, bloated woman with her period, cystic acne on both her face and her ass,  and an acute case of pink eye. Love this Paleo thing.  This might have been one of my most hormonal cycles ever.  I think that all the fruit is throwing my hormones and sugar out of wack. But I was telling the husband the other day that I think a lot of my fruit craving is also due to the fact that alcohol has been taken out of the equation, so I am craving the sugar that used to be in wine.
Food has been mostly fine, except last night, after seeing Tron we made a stop at Mel's Diner where I ordered a wedge salad. I didn't know there were croutons on it. I tried to avoid those, which I was mostly successful at, but there was this creamy blue cheese dressing that was dribbled on a lot of the salad which was almost impossible to avoid. Oh fucking well.
Thursday, Friday and Saturday have been poor eating days. Because I've been feeling sick, rather than eating sit down meals, I've been grazing all day. An apple here, a handful of macademia nuts there, standing in front of the refrigerator and eating a half a jar of sunbutter (which is my favorite paleo processed food,) a bunch of dates rolled in pecans (yum! thanks Whole Foods), a Lara bar grabbed from the emergency stash in the freezer... but no sitting down for a meal besides dinner. It's been just a ridiculous amount of snacking. When I got sick Thursday night I began craving orange juice like mad. I sent the Goose to Whole Foods to buy unpasteurized, raw, with pulp, orange juice. He came back with 365 brand pasteurized pulp free juice. That's fine. I drank the whole thing in 3 days. I figure if my body wanted it so bad, might as well give it. If coffee is paleo, then surely orange juice is too. Whatevs.
I've been tea bagging myself by sticking green tea bags in my eye. Pink eye is nasty nasty nasty.
Did make a new recipe that both me and the old man love. I cube an eggplant, sautee it in olive oil, add one red onion, a few cubes of diced garlic, throw in a bunch of curry powder and salt and a can of diced tomatoes and hot damn that's yummy.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Day 20 - Koko, PT 2 (Fuck This Edition)

Just wanted to pop back in to say that any eating plan in which me popping an Altoid rather than get my manky coffee breath all over a client in close range is "a cheat" is Le Weiner.

Lolo Day 20- I couldn't agree more

I too am very over this. The intense restriction is unbearably uncomfortable and it's having me obsess about the things that I cannot have. It feels pretty awful. I like Paleo, and I liked how I went Paleo in October, which was mostly Paleo with wine here and there, with dairy here and there, with a bite of ice cream here and there. I was like 80% Paleo. Now I'm 100% and I'm grumpy. I will say that when I did it last time, I felt the benefits, now, I feel no benefits. I feel stressed and resentful. And not only that, I've had things go on in my body that didn't really happen before. Such as increased eczema, painful cystic acne on my face and body and now pinkeye! In 36 years, I've never had pinkeye and now I have pinkeye. It's fucking awful. And my PMS is crappy right now. I've never been this moody with PMS, I usually don't even know I'm getting my period till I get it. 
I'm eating way too much fruit and it's messing with my body intensely.  I'm dizzy and hungry a lot.
But there are a few things that I do like about this 30 day experiment, namely the awesome poops that I'm producing each morning. The other thing is the not drinking thing which I'm really liking. I like not drinking wine with dinner, it helps my sleep and my waking, it also helps me to feel more productive and I also really like being out and not drinking. It feels liberating in a way, I'm more able to focus on my conversations with people, which I definitely can't when I'm drinking. So I think that I will try and continue that. My nails are breaking and peeling, so that's not good either. I don't know exactly why this is. But generally, despite all the claims that 30 days of Paleo will change your life, I don't feel better at all. In fact, I feel worse. I think that it might be for people who have a very poor diet to begin with, but that's not the case for me.
Anyway, I'm grumpy in general today. My eye hurts, I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm staying home in bed all day. lame.

Day 21 - Koko

Just a quick pop-in to say YAY, two thirds finished with this ridiculous exercise that I would never do in "real" life.

I want some moderate drinking, some occasional glutenous indulgence. I'm very much looking forward to a glass of wine, perhaps a piece of pizza. And I am willing to pay the physical price for it. I like moderation- as long as it doesn't bleed into more than occasional days, I want off this all-or-nothing ride.

With unabashed craving,

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Day 20 - Koko

Paleo food, long day. Sick kid, busy busy busy.

But no pink eye!


Lolo Day 18- Pink Eye

ugh, I woke up today with pink eye. no fucking fun. When I called my husband at work to tell him he asked me how I got pink eye. I told him that it was from him sticking his penis in my eyeball when he tried to teabag me the other day. Oh yeah, he teabagged me. Then he teabagged the cat. The cat was nonplussed. I on the other hand was tres' plussed. I also woke up grumpy. Don't know why. It's a beautiful day out. Food has generally been good. I can't really remember what I ate yesterday, but the evening we had Thai food and again, not a good option. I stuck to all sauteed dishes but things came out with sauces that i know must have had some cornstarch, flour, sugar and other non-paleo things. My eczema broke out instantly. then i woke up with this damn pinkeye. I'm very premenstrual, my boobs hurt and i'm grumpy. lame.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Days 18 and 19, Koko

There is only so much I can say about food. I'm still eating it. It's still paleo. Last night found me at a comedy club at which a couple of drinks would really have improved many of the comics' sets. Others were funny funny stuff without any distilled augmentation. I ran a small run today, got some sun, ate some coconut in a borderline-abusive way. Made goat stew! The meat csa has me going all developing nation on myself. It's a good thing.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Lolo Day 17

So I cut down dramatically on fruit today and I actually feel markedly improved. No extreme hunger, which is what I'd been battling with, no eczema breakouts and no feeling like falling asleep in the middle of the day, and the other thing was no crazy food cravings or thinking about food during the day. Which leads me to believe that three doctors might be sort of right about my insulin resistance, as much as I loathe to believe them.

Day off from exercise
Breakfast was 2 giant turkey sausages and one apple with coffee and coconut milk.
Lunch was 3 eggs fried in coconut oil
Snack was 3 tablespoons of straight tahini!
Dinner was turkey, sweet potato, rainbow chard and desert was five dates.

I bought a gigantic fucking organic turkey breast from Whole Foods. I dunno why. Nothing else looked good. So I bought this giant fucking 3 pound turkey breast and I've never cooked anything besides turkey burgers or turkey sausages before, but I decided to cook a turkey breast. The Goose fucking HATED it! He took one bite and said that he didn't really like it. It was admittedly quite dry and gamey. Then he was all concerned that I was upset. I might have squeezed out a few tears. But it was my first turkey and I was attempting something new and I was a little sad that it didn't work. But i chopped it up with a bunch of celery and red peppers and mayonnaise and german mustard and curry, cumin, paprika, tumeric and cayenne, and he tasted it and liked it, so it's going in his lunch pail for tomorrow. I think I will probably be eating turkey for the next few days. And lots of water to go with it.
Otherwise, it's been a lovely day. I'm full of energy and feeling good. And really beginning to dig this no drinking thing. I like how productive I am without my nightly glass of pinot and I like how much energy I have in the morning.  I still fantasize about alcohol, but I'm beginning to understand there's a huge benefit to not drinking.

Lolo Day 16

Dude. Enough with the fruit and nuts already. I admit it. I am a very, very lazy paleo-er. And it's problematic because I've been eating dried fruit like it's going out of style. For instance, yesterday I ate something like 4 servings of organic sugar free freeze dried plaintain chips and probably close to 30 or 40 dates and two apples while I was sitting in the kitchen working.  It was just this kind of mindless eating while I was doing stressful things, like writing process notes, tallying up my 2010 expenses for my taxes, talking to insurance companies, filling out insurance forms, trying to figure out all our credit card debt, reading my horoscope and doing online tarot readings. I was just sitting there snacking as I was taking care of this stuff. Some might call it stress eating or even binge eating. I suppose that's what it might have been. I was just very anxious about what I was doing and kept on grabbing handfuls of dates or plantain chips or chomping on apples.  Unfortunately, due to all this fruit sugar,  my skin is breaking out very badly. I've got these gigantic  painful cysts on my jawline and they hurt.  My sugar intake is through the roof in the form of fruit. I used to eat maybe a couple of fruits a day, and virtually no refined sugar, no cakes, cookies, chocolate, etc. It's not because I'm virtuous, it's because I was getting all my sugar in the form of wine, so my body never had sugar cravings.  Now suddenly it wants sweet fruit all the time.
  So, I'm really going nuts on nuts and fruit. But I think that it's also because vegetables and meat take preparation. They're not grab and go. I'd like, in this second half of our 30 days to decrease fruit and increase meat and vegetables. My skin, I imagine, will thank me.
Okay yesterday: 3.75 mile run
Bkfst- turkey and an apple
Lunch- 800 dates and 3 apples and 2, 643 plantain chips
Snack- Two tablespoons of tahini
Dinner- Two Tacos with chicken, guacamole and salsa
Desert- Smoothie with 1/2 can of coconut milk, 1 banana, and chunks of pineapple.

I will say, I know that in this paleo way of eating, that I am eating way more calories and fat and sugar than usual, however, I think that my weight is staying the same. I don't know as I haven't weighed myself, but my clothes aren't getting any tighter. I did wake up super bloated this morning, but I'm premenstrual.
In other news, my birthday is coming up in 5 weeks and I don't want to sit around and cry this year like I did last year. 2010 can kiss my ass.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 17 -in which Koko puts dairy-free on pause

Music: Gorlliaz, Plastic Beach

Yes, baby. I cooked my family's sweet grass-fed/grass-finished steak in salt-free pastured butter. And I would do it again.

Those Weston Price folks are hardwired into me and I believe in the many virtues of butter.  My child (otherwise pretty intolorent to non-human dairy, as we discovered a few nights ago  -- all sore tummy, stuffy nose, and angry kicking crying all night -- after he had a huge cheese debauch at the grands') eats butter slices as a snack. He ate butter slices with dried pears just this afternoon, in fact.

Plus? It was delicious.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 16 - Koko's Feeling Damn Fine

I feel pretty good today. It's always good to awaken from something that could have been a straight hell hangover debauch and feel gleefully, righteously sober. (If only it didn't mean a lame ass time the night before.) I had a nice day of eating- solid protein, lots of vegs, didn't abuse the coconut.  (I am discovering that abusing coco only abuses Koko and that's no bueno.)

Brunch with friends and then to the race track with other friends. I had the pleasure of watching my kid make $8 on Family Soul for the win. (Got to start them young, but it always suprises me to discover that the race track is decidedly more Bukowski than Thin Man. To my dismay.)

Ran a quick 2 miles and feel nice to have sweated. I want to be mindful that my ability to run isn't tied to being in a manic phase (that's a lower-case M, not pathologizing here). Will attempt this week to go back to my goal of running a short while like this just a few times a week. I'm feeling inspired by my cheesy ballet bar right now, and doing a lot of strength work there. It feels good.

Going to eat some berries with a small amount of coco milk, maybe a few cacao nibbies. I'm also teabagging like a fiend. Thanks for the visual, Lolo gal.

Lolo Day 15- No sugar. No grains. No wine(ing). No Fun. :(

Woke up this morning happy and bright and well rested. Went for a quick 2 mile run. Ate  a turkey sausage, 12 medjool dates, coffee with extra coconut milk. Me and the Goose went to the mall to buy him shoes. Fuck the fucking mall. It's filled with shit that I wanted to eat. For some reason. I wanted to chug diet cokes, lattes', frozen yogurt. Not to mention Mrs. Fields cookies and pizza all over the place. The goose got a giant sized chocolate chip cookie and a latte and I found an apple somewhere.  Then we got home, at a dinner of eggplant, tomatoes, onions, red peppers and some hamburgers. Afterwards he was dismayed that he couldn't find his mall cookie anywhere. So, I went and bought him a brownie from starbucks. I wanted a bite. This is getting lame. Anyway, I'm relaxing with a desert of a baked apple with hot coconut milk as well as a cup of red vanilla tea.
other than that, things are good. My mood is generally light and good. But honestly, I would love a cookie.

Lolo Day 14 - Teabaggin' the cinnamon

As I walked from the kitchen into the bedroom, the Grey Goose asked me what I had in the mug, "it's hot coconut milk with cinnamon and a tea bag in it."
"you're teabaggin' your cinnamon?" he asked.
was a nice day. mostly stayed in and cursed at my computer.
food was coffee and coconut milk,  grilled chicken and sauteed veggies-- many many medjool dates,
baba ghanoush
spaghetti squash and meatballs.
my appetite seems to be evening out a bit. i wasn't as hungry today as I have been.
the Goose was not very happy when he figured out that spaghetti squash wasn't spaghetti with cut up squash in it. When he saw it he commented that it looked like muppet brains. At karaoke we each had seltzer water with a lime but he busted out at one point and came back with two slices of pizza. great. now i'll have to deal with his lactose intolerance giving me dutch ovens all night. dumb.

Day 15 - Koko

Karaoke and sobriety are a dumb combination.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Lolo Day 14

Agreed. It's getting lame without wine. The husband doesn't even want to go to karoke tonight because we're not drinking. But I think that when we get there, he'll be happy to see all our friends.  But man is he grumpy.  My alcohol cravings are still mostly for a mimosa. Just craving a damn mimosa. The Goose  had to go into the office today because the Middle East never sleeps. I on the other hand am enjoying a glorious 3 day weekend. I didn't work yesterday and what a lovely day it was frolicking about in the sun. Food was awesome till we went out with a friend to Chinese food and she wanted to share everything and the place had nothing steamed. So I ordered things sauteed which I thought would be innocuous, but sure enough it all came with sauces that no doubt contained sugar and cornstarch and probably glutenous and soyanous additives.  I was totally stuck and just ate slowly and mindfully the veggies and meat that were all soaked in evil sauces. Damn. Going out to eat is not a great option these days.   Came home and had a delicious desert of hot coconut milk with cinnamon and bananas all soaked up in it.
I've also swapped out prunes for Medjool dates which are infinitely better on my belly. My digestion feels awesome now.  However, skin still seems to be breaking out, especially on my legs, ass and jawline. Eczema too. Insane with the amount of fish oil and coconut oil and coconut milk I'm taking. But I've made it almost half way through and am feeling great.
Something that has improved greatly is my sleep. I'm sleeping awesome these days and my energy level is good. I was going to go for a run this morning but forced myself not to because I've run 4 days in a row and I don't think that's good for me physically at all. I am pretty sure I need a rest day.
I've been meditating a lot and getting things done like wildfire. Quarterly taxes done! Bills- paid! So I actually think that energy levels and outlook/mood are much enhanced. So that's a positive thing.
Food yesterday is a blur.

I think I had 3 eggs and a banana for breakfast.
Chicken with (homemade!) baba ghanoush for lunch and the end of the pistachios
Snack- 10-12 medjool dates
Dinner - evil chinese food
desert-- 5 or 6 oz of coconut milk with bananas cut up inside.

It's interesting because I know that I'm eating a ton more fat and a ton more calories than I probably usually do, especially with all the canned coconut milk and dried fruit that I'm consuming, but I don't think I'm putting on any weight. That goes to show you about whole foods and high quality fats! Down with franken foods and artificial sweeteners and low fat products. Up with high quality plant based and animal based fats-- good for mood, good for energy, good for sleep, bad for ass zits.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 14 - Koko, A Bit Sick of This

Music: Lou Reed, Transformer

I'm officially sick of this stuff today. Kid had a sleepover pizza party at school this evening, and while we landed up picking the poor goofball up just post-pizza and right before pillow fight at 9pm, for a minute I had this incredible sense of freedom. Where would Tall Guy and I go? What would we do? Well, I wasn't getting excited about drinking (am not) or eating (am limited). The demonstration in front of the cinema was ill-timed. I'm not about to cross a picket line and going to movies is about my only mind-numbing vice of late.

So, piece of fish, black coffee, a crying phone call from the school office, and BOOM: there's your date night.

I'm really wondering how tomorrow's karaoke birthday thing will play with me being all sqeaky-deeky sober. Sometimes social anxiety is a drag.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Lolo Day 12

Oops, yesterday I said was day 12, but today is really day 12.
Damn. I'm hungry and I'm eating a ton. I'm also craving craving craving. Mostly mimosas and wine and mojitos and other such sorts of libations.

Okay, so quick pre-run meal of one apple and a handful of pecans.
5k run.
Breakfast: 1/2  of a chicken (!!!) and 3 handfuls of pistachios.
Lunch: 1 banana and a handful of cashews plus a handful of pistachios.
Snack: 1 apple, 1 orange, another banana.
Dinner: 3/4 of a chicken.  Desert another banana.

My husband literally put his hand on my hand as I tore through my second whole chicken of the day and gently, sadly, said to me, "don't you think you've had enough?"

But Lolo, I thought you were going to take a few days off from nuts!  Yes, yes, I think I will to see if that's what's affecting the eczema.  I also seem to be getting cystic acne. And it's on my ass. Oh yes. It's not enough that I spent the week farting and pooping, but now I've got a massive case of buttne. And it's not even the cute buttne that litters the butt cheeks like cute little red angry freckles. These cysts are popping out right under my butt cheeks, where the cellulite lives. And they are painful. Sitting on the toilet seat hurts. The Goose thinks it comes from wearing the same pants 2 or 3 days in a row. I doubt it. I have no idea what it's about.
The funny thing about going so strictly Paleo is that I'm eating crazy large amounts of foods in a way that I usually don't. I'm going balls up with both fruit and nuts. I'm going to turn into a Lara bar in the next day or so. I might even turn Amish!  I'll be all, "all buttons no zippers!"
I don't know why I'm eating so much more than usual. It's interesting to me. I think I'm trying to curb my cravings and eating a whole lot of food is helpful in that respect.  I also notice that not drinking alcohol causes me to eat more.  Probably the things that I'm missing the most here are dairy and alcohol. Damn, whine & cheese. What the fuck kind of a yuppie am I? Jeez Louise.
Well I'm off to dream world with a very full belly.
yours in love and other indoor sports,
Senora Lolo.

Days 12 and 13 - Koko Abuses Coconut Milk and Quotes a Dalai Lama

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

But I love my grasping and clinging! I am, as ever, the weakest kind of human: all full of ego and desires. I'm also grateful and working on chilling (the fuck) out. And, yeah, I may be abusing coconut products. And/or dried fruit. My nightly snack is dried fruit soaked in coco milk, flax seeds, cacao nibs (which are yak-narsty without the sweetness of raisins to bolster them. I'm sorry but it's true).

I should and maybe will back off and cool it on the sweet stuff, but my main goal here isn't weight loss, just a touch of the old reprogramming. I want to kill off my carby, boozy cravings, then work on getting more sleep. After sleep, more running; after running I'll think about weight loss. I did take a huge long walk today, jumped around a lot multiple times singing to an audio version of this one, my kid's current favorite.

And now, sleeping. Because coconut time is over.


No. More. Prunes. EVER!


Sad. I love prunes. I somehow don't know how to eat them in moderation though and sorely paid for it at about 1am. They're just so yummy and delicious, nature's favorite candy... 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Lolo- Day Twelve

Very minor slip today, but still a slip. Was at the doctors office and got a tea and added one Land O'Lakes mini moo small half and half container. Probably a tablespoon of half and half. I don't know why I did it. I just lost my resolve. I wanted that damn tea and there was no coconut milk around. I was sad. Oh well. I don't have the gumption to start from day one again either, so still it's okay.

3 mile run.
breakfast- nothing. ran out the door with a cup of coffee and coconut milk.
at the doctor's tea with said mini moo. 
lunch- leftover meatloaf and chard. one grapefruit, one apple, 2 handfuls of walnuts 4 prunes. Wanted more prunes, I could have eaten the whole damn bag, but didn't want a repeat of yesterday's fartpocalypse.
snack- apple, cup of tea with coconut milk
dinner-- two grilled chicken tacos with salsa and guacamole-- give away tortillas-- 2 handfuls of walnuts, rest of the bag of prunes.

Looks like the Grey Goose is gonna have to face the fartpocalypse alone in bed tonight while I sleep peacefully.

too tired to write more. work is hard......

Day 11 - Koko Pt 2: Thai Poisoning

Holy cow, peeps. I ate at a restaurant tonight. Thai food: lemongrass chicken, bunch of vegetables.Tofu on the plate that I didn't eat. And sugar sugar, oh boy.  It wasn't particularly sauce-y but man-i-low, I felt high after I ate it and I feel sick and bloaty now.

Tall Guy and I went to a movie (The Fighter. Go see it- especially if you are like me and only think sexy thoughts about Christian Bale when he is at his least, shall we say, conventionally attractive.) and then I came home to four pints of water and me feeling exhausted.

How nice to feel the difference between eating well and eating "normally." I am not hard enough core to restart my 30 days; I feel comfortable with the choices I made today. But I plan to take it really easy tomorrow. Maybe some fasting until the afternoon? I'll see what my body tells me, Anakin.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Lolo- Day Ten

Yay Koko! Yay for self advocacy! Yay for being numero uno! I love that post.

I am well. Happy to be back here and back to work and back to my kitty cat who is snuggled up next to me on this cold California night.

Food was filling today. I skipped breakfast and jumped out of bed late. At noon I had a quick lunch break with chicken tortilla soup where I sadly picked out the tortillas and the manchego cheese and corn. But it was full of chicken and avocados and cilantro and onions which were yummy.

I went shopping at whole foods at about 3:30 and there was a special on winter greens, so I bought two batches of chard, one red and one rainbow. I bought a bunch of fruit and came home and had an apple, a grapefruit and several handfuls of prunes. Which was bad because I wound up having awful farts during my last client. I thought I was going to explode. I LOVE prunes. They are my favorite fruit/snack and according to Chad Hamilton, they have a super high oxygen radical absorbence capacity score. I barely even know what that means, nor do I care. But I love them so much. But they don't love me. Farting incessantly and trying to pretend that I wasn't in session was mortifying.

Dinner was chard and tomatoes all stewed up together and meatloaf and sweet potato fries baked with curry and olive oil dipped in salsa. Yummy. Desert, an apple accompanied by, you guessed it. More farts. 

Not drinking is getting easier. It helps that the goose is staying clean with me and we keep on marveling at all the $moola$ we're saving. We use to go through at least 3 bottles of wine a week between the two of us. That's like close to $200 a month! Not to mention if we went out we'd order beer or wine. Now, none of that. I mean, not to get to pious or anything, it's only been 11 days. Tonight was the first night that I had no craving for wine. So that's good. I really do enjoy coming home in the eve and relaxing with a nice goblet of pinot. But it's becoming more about tea. I like tea too. With that, I leave you with my Koko inspired Diana Ross tribute of the day.

Day 11 - Koko's Number One!

It's my 11th day and it's 1-11-11 Day. Know what that means, folks? I am resolving to make my sweet self Numero Uno for once and for all. Starting today. Does that mean I will be a selfish cad and get all Me First on everyone? No it does not. I expect to conduct myself with the comportment befitting a woman of my advanced age and all that jazz. What it does mean is that I will put myself first in matters of self care. No more "this sucks, but if it makes you happy. . ." No more chasing things that are bad for me. No more "haven't got time" for myself. No more instant gratification.

There can be only one (of me, but you can be your #1 too.) I am a rock. I am an island. I am the frackin' cheese. Kneel before me and my feats of self-actualization.

And, let's talk BMI. Lolo sweetly commented on her last post that she and I differ in height and weight but have similar BMIs. A nice thought, but chickieboo runs a lot more than I. She is a trim little wisp of a thing. And I am not. And that's okay. I'm getting there.

What I really want to say about BMIs is that the term always reminds me of either bowel movements or the dumb Sex Pistols song of the same name. There is no You Tube video for that song, but there is this, which I feel compelled to share. Because, well- because it features the very babyfaced solo front-boy in a thong. And doesn't that just make your Tuesday?

(Edited to add: I keep neglecting to track my food because it's boring. Meat, meat, fish. Coconut milk, veg, some fruit. Lots of tea. Keepin' on.)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Lolo-Day Nine

WTF is Niacin? Some kind of cult? Anyway, Paleokid shouldn't join that brown rice eating cult. Not good. 

Today was travel all day and very, very challenging. I was on a plane for 7 hours. And we had a delay at the airport, which was awful. So, for food:
breakfast was coffee with coconut milk, lots of steak and mushrooms, and a giant grapefruit.
lunch was a salad at the airport which had lettuce, chicken, golden raisins, slivered almonds, and it had some feta which I did my best to avoid, but I know that some wound up in my mouth and within moments I had that same old phlegm plug in my throat. (pretty, huh?)
then we were delayed at the airport. I bought a giant sack of cashews, raisins and almonds, which had 7 servings of which I ate all.
then, on the plane-- more nuts, several handfuls of pistachios and cashews from the bag that I packed from whole foods before I left.  Then, two packs of the Jet blue cashews as well as a seemingly un-paleo can of tomato juice, which wasn't too bad, tomatoes and ascorbic acid and salt, but still...
got home and ate a bunch of walnuts and some organic 100% orange juice. 

Not my finest 5 days of Paleo, but I must say that for 5 days traveling, I think I improvised pretty well. Thursday we were on the plane all day, Friday we were in a car for 7 hours, Sunday we were in a car for 5 hours and today we were in the airport and airplane for a total of 10 hours.  Again, not the bestest Paleo ever, but the improvising was good. I would have waited to start until tomorrow knowing that we were going to my folks, but I wanted to try and see if I could do it there. It honestly felt close to impossible. But I'm happy to be back to my apples and eggs and steaks.
I am unsure what I weigh. I was at the doctor on December 2nd and I weighed 128.5. I imagine that I added to that in the month of December.  I don't think that I actually drop pounds with Paleo, but I notice that I tend to eat a lot when I'm doing Paleo. I'm okay with that. I like how much more aware I am of what food does to my body.
For instance, I never noticed the phlegm that accompanies dairy. But, whoomp there it is. Also, I am noticing right now that my eczema spots are tingling and will probably break out soon. I am pretty sure it's the nuts. I know that I'm allergic to brazil nuts. My throat closes up and gets all painful and scratchy. I never really noticed that until a few years ago when i bought a ton of Brazil nuts and ate them.  I used to always go to my Grandma's house and crack open her Brazil nuts and chow down on them. I'd always notice that I'd get a sore throat. But I thought that it was because I'd also always dig through the medicine cabinets and pop a couple of xanax or valium or whatever else fun I could find, and I thought that God was punishing me for being a Grandma Cowboy by giving me a sore throat.  But then, several years ago when I tried this wacky WaiDiet where you basically just eat raw fish, fruit and raw brazil nuts and I sat and ate a bag of brazil nuts one afternoon with nothing else and got the crazy closed throat and pain and it was awful. That's when I discovered I was allergic to Brazil nuts. I experimented on and off. Yup. Definitely allergic. So, it wouldn't be impossible to think that I'm allergic to other tree nuts. I don't want to give them up, but it might be useful to give them up for a day or two then reintroduce and see what happens with the skin. Okay, Lolo exhausted. Out.

Day 10 - Koko, Quick and to the Pointless (so they say)

Just popping in to say that the Tall Guy is not only eating a brownie- he's eating a mess-you-up brownie. And drinking a beer.

Me? Some ginger tea. I made sweet steaks with kale and cabbage and the kiddo ate at least 4oz of meat for dinner. He has a hollow leg. Anyway, good thing for me that mess-you-up is totally not my drug, and I hate the smell so much that I've never even had a beer or I might have to wring the Tall Guy's pale, carb-lovin' neck.

I just share this by way of showing that two people can be doing polar opposite things and still live under the same roof. Often without wanting to kill eachother.

That brownie does smell awfully good though. I ordered some raw cacao nibs (just one letter away from caca) and I look forward to their arrival next week. I have pudding plans for some enchanted future PMSing evening.

Koko- Morning Weight What? Also-- You're Starving Your Kid!!

So I've started looking at the scale again. What a massive headfuck. If I weigh first thing in the morning it's 158, 159. Later in the day it's 162. Same clothes. This is consistent through this past week. The numbers are fine; I'm not trippin' and my weight does seem to be going in the right direction. One thing that strikes me is, holy cow, does that mean I'm eating just too too much? I'm not eating to stuffed and I'm walking around a lot during the day (though I am not yet galvanized into a proper workout frame of mind). But is a difference of 3 or 4 pounds "normal" through the course of a day? It's all pretty ridiculous: my clothes feel the same morning and evening. I need to just normalize this style of eating and not worry so much about the weight loss aspect. The weight will go. The weight is going.

Post-script-- My sister and mother have been asking about what it means for my kid to eat this way. "What about Niacin?" my sister said with great concern. Funny thing is, this is nearly identical to the way he was eating before (when I was too lazy to soak, and thus cook, beans and grains). For a bit of comparision I give you Robb Wolf, who has done the work of laying all out so I don't have to.

Also, there is this:

from here. I don't see a grain on this chart and Kiddo ate half a chicken for breakfast today. I think we have niacin covered around here.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lolo- Day Eight

Falling asleep... just gonna check in with food for the day.

Spent the entire day with the family.

Breakfast-- piece of bacon and an apple coffee with coconut milk.

Lunch-- orange, lettuce, crab salad.

dinner-- tons of meat-- steak AND chicken AND a hamburger!!!!!!!!!!!!! (zoinks) avocado, lettuce, tomato, mushrooms, onions, lots of seltzer with lemons and limes squeezed in.

desert-- one clementine, one gigantic grapefruit.

cup of tea with coconut milk.

Am noticing how hard it is to do this at my parents' house. It's not completely convenient and i know that my food is really out of my control. But it's a good exercise in knowing that I can do this when I am out of my element. Am also noticing that having strict, rigid rules make me have fantasies of binge eating or ideas about gorging myself on things like diet coke and diet ice cream. Interesting. When I did Paleo previously, I was not super rigid, for example, I'd stop off and have a decaf latte' once in a while or a bite of something non paleo every once in a while. But for these 30 days, I've committed to clean Paleo eating. we'll see how that works out. The one thing I've noticed different-- cystic acne. what? what? I don't believe in the myth of detoxing. My diet was quite clean before (barring the month of December) and I didn't have this going on. My hormones are being wacky. As I said before, I think it might be nuts. That's my big difference, eating tons of nuts. I am cutting down on them for a few days and see if it makes a difference. Are coconuts a nut?  Spent the eve with the husband and the brother watching the Big Lebowski. The three of us spent the day down in Key Largo with the parents where we frolicked in the mangroves, picked fresh key limes and everyone indulged in fresh made key lime pie ('cept me who ate fresh crab, lettuce and orange). Dad made a comment that the key limes would be awesome in a gin and tonic. When we got home he made drinks all around. I had key limes squeezed in seltzer. After he parents went to sleep, my brother stood in the garage smoking weed while I made tea and the Goose ate the gooey fresh brownies that my stepmother made. The other thing that I notice is that I'm eating more than I want and need to compensate for not eating other things. I've been almost trying to stuff myself with meat and fruit so that I can deal with the food around me. I think that will change when we get back to California. That's pretty uncomfortable because I'm feeling really stuffed and my pants are feeling a bit snug. But I know that will change when I get out of this house of temptation filled with it's evil brownies and chocolate covered macadamia nuts and big bags of chips and bagels and cream cheese, and ice cream and of course lots and lots of booze.

Day Nine- Koko

Weight, 162 and change. Breakfast of proteins and arugula salad at my favorite local place here. So, so, so tired. I keep fiddling with writing (elsewhere) and I'm pretty occupied with coming up with recipes for my business.

I'm never in bed before 1am lately. It has to stop. I resolve this week to get 8 hours of sleep a night. Sleeeeeep! Everybody's doin' it (but me).

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Lolo- Day Seven

Quick update.

lovely 3.5 mile run this morning. perfect running weather. sunny and breezy 70 degrees. 

breakfast: 4 eggs, coffee with coconut milk some carrots and fruit salad.

lunch: (picnic on the beach with the husb, brother, and parents!) tuna, celery, carrots, tangerine

dinner: miso soup (leave the tofu) lots of sashimi, seaweed salad, avocado, green tea, no rice sushi roll.

desert: fruit salad and Lara bar.

Have been mostly feeling over full lately. Think I am eating more than I need. It's a good opportunity to listen to my body more and not eat more than I need. I think also being at my parents' place makes me full and eat a bit more than I need also. I've been kind of bloated and uncomfortable.

Day Eight- Koko

Today I got my hair did and made some yummy facial masks so I feel prettier than I did an hour ago. My dudes are sleeping like the lazy sods they are and I'm checking in. Tired, I'm not noticing a tremendous improvement in skin or mental well-being just yet. I'm eating paleo and not physically craving much though I do have nightly emotional cravings for the sweet and woozy stuff. These are the habits I know take a lot of time to change. The physical part is easy.

I made a bunch of paleo-friendly food for my mom who is trying to lose weight and recovering from surgery. She's basically unable to cook for herself and I will hope she eats all the good stuff and leaves the Cheerios and bread that is filling her kitchen to the rafters alone.

That's it-- off to wake my lazy family and go out for a burger and salad. No food in the house.


Day Seven- Koko

Food is easy, all is well. Breakfast was an egg, coffee, banana and a teensy slice of meatloaf. No lunch. At 5 I snacked on the kid's leftover lunch (little salmon cakes) and then had late dinner that is referenced below. After that I had some dried apricots and fresh blueberries in coconut milk. Yums.

I spent the better part of my non-work, non-mothering time today crafting a letter I will probably never send. I'm emotionally exhausted and this no wine-no chocolate stuff is for the buttercuppin' birds.

However, I did come up with a rad new song tonight at our dinner of Spaghetti (squash) and Meatballs. To the tune of Black Flag's TV Party, I give you:

Pasta party tonight!
Pasta party tonight!

We're gonna have a pasta party tonight!


We're gonna have some caveman pasta alright!


We've got lots of runnin' to do
Let's chow down and have some paleo foods

Don't talk about gluten and booze
We don't wanna know!
We're dedicated
To our favorite PRO(teins):






Pork chop!





. . .and it could go on like that.


Friday, January 7, 2011

Lolo- Day Six

This is getting hard. Doing this and not being in my own home with my own bare cupboards.
But, alas, I am still diehard, in a restaraunt, on the road (spent 7 hours in the car today), at my parents house, etc.

Went to visit my Aunt and Grandma and cousin today in a neighboring town. Not a super easy visit.  Grandma is really getting up there in years (88!) and not aging well or gracefully. Her mind is going, her body is going and she's all lethargic and not herself. That was hard, but not the worst part of the visit. Afterward, my Aunt, my cousin and I went for lunch. At this point my Aunt told me that my Grandma requested that she not be be buried in the plot next to my Grandpa's (who died 32 years ago). And then my Aunt went on to tell me that she recently found out that my Grandpa used to beat the crap out of my Grandma. I knew that he was very abusive toward my mother and Aunt, but I didn't know that he was also beating up my Grandma. Then I found out that she tried to leave when my mom was a baby, but her mother (my great grandma) said that she couldn't come home and "you made your bed, lay in it." Disgusting.  But the point is, my Aunt wants to bury my grandmother in a whole different state then where my mother and grandfather is. And so my Aunt wants us to dig up my mother and transport her remains across the country so she can be buried with her and my Grandma. It was not the conversation I wanted to have. 
Then, to make matters worse, I found out that my cousin, who is 33 years old is about to become a Grandmother. Yup, her 18 year old is preggers. Okay, it's her 18 year old stepdaughter. Her husband is 36. He had her with his first wife at 18, and now he's going to be a real Grandfather at 36.  My cousin herself has  three beautiful kids of her own, an 11 year old, an 8 year old and a 5 year old.  Now, the last shocker of the day is that she and her husband are getting a divorce. They've been married for 12 years. My aunt told me and said that she was totally blindsided. I asked her what happened and my aunt said, "she's just done!" So, then I asked my cousin and she said that she was bored and that he's a workaholic, and the whole relationship made her miserable, so she left him.  So, now it's her and the three kids. I was feeling nervous, but she seems happy about the whole thing. She said that she's going out and having fun, and meeting people, and she went to massage school and skin care school and now she's going to start working, which is cool because I don't think that she ever has worked before. She married the dude she went to high school prom with. In fact, she couldn't even drink legally at her wedding. So it seems like she's ready for the next phase of her life. And she looks beautiful and seems happy. But man, what a shocker of a day! Lot's going on with my family. I was overwhelmed on the way home.

Food was. coffee and coconut milk
steak & eggs


lunch: gigantic salad with eggs, chicken, ham, bacon, olive oil, soup with spinach, bacon, onions, tea

dinner: more salad, thai coconut soup with chicken, chicken breast, ribs, big fruit salad.

no exercise today.

My eczema continues to break out and not only that, I'm breaking out with cystic acne on my face and ears.  I'm wondering if I'm eating too many nuts. I've got an allergy to Brazilian nuts, so I've just been eating walnuts and cashews and pecans and macademias and pistachios and almonds and coconuts. I've been eating these things by the bucketful. I'm thinking I might try to cut down on nuts and see how that goes.

Yeah, I can't recall ever buying a pastry at a cafe. But it's mostly because I don't necessarily crave them. I don't have a huge sweet tooth. If I am craving sweets, it's not like a pastry, but more likely a cookie or a brownie. Once in a while I'll get one of those, but my breakfast cravings are more for things like bagels & cream cheese.

kisses kisses kisses.

Days Five and Six, Koko Dreams of Cake and Chocolate Nepenthe

Keeping up the paleo eating. Adding squats and crunches to my daily routine. In bed by 10 last night. No news and few signs of life to report on from this planet but I wanted to duck in to comment on a few of the things Ms. Lolo has posted of late.

Firstly, what, Lolo? You have never bought a pastry? That is straight nuts, but it also explains why you are a trim little thing and I am not. I love a pastry, and damn it if a smoke and a coffee and a little buttery something don't sound really nice right now. A wintertime treat that would feel warm and delicious (and very sick-making*).

Instead I have had a hard boiled egg, a banana, a black coffee from the old Euro-style coffee place near my office. Good enough fuel for a busy day ahead.

Also? Chocolate-flavored wine? My GODS, add some nicotine or maybe a light opiate and you have created my favorite beverage ever. Sweet liquid Nepenthe, I am all over your ass.

But no wine and no chocs for me lately. Lots of whining, though. If only in my mind. It's a process.

I have several posts in my brain but this is the quick one I am scratching off to check in, acknowledge I am still on-plan, and keep accountable.


*This is a topic to explore in a future post. I generally eat well but I sometimes really crave, really relish, the sinking feeling of cigarette sickness, of a slight hangover. That dull throbbing that comes from succumbing to ill health and bad behavior. What is that, I wonder? Does anyone else get that too?

Lolo- Day Five

Damn, Day five was hard. Mostly because it was all air travel and parentsing. But I've stayed true to Paleo, despite being with the parent's with a house full of wine, beer, sweets, chips, etc.

coffee w/ coconut milk

Breakfast-- at the airport-- mushroom & sausage scramble with a side of bacon.

On the plane--- many many many prunes and a ton of raw nuts and lara bars.

Dinner-- at the parents. Steak. Lots and lots of steak. Smothered in mushrooms and onions, tons of salad with avocado and drenched in olive oil and vinegar, asparagus... washed down with pellegrino.

Desert- Another Lara Bar and a cup of decaf chai with coconut milk.

Probably ate way more than I needed yesterday. But my body was thrown off by fatigue and travel. Am up too early this morning again, (by West Coast standards) but am on the East Coast and need to make a three hour drive to visit my Aunt and Grandma. Another challenge coming up when my aunt takes us to probably Chili's for lunch. I am going to fill up on eggs and leftover steak before I leave so that I won't be hungry come lunch time. I'm not necessarily keen on skipping meals through this, but I think it's important to be creative and industrious in order to stay Paleo.

One of the worst temptations that my parents have in the house is this business:

Yeah, it's what it looks like. Chocolate red wine. Now I know that it sounds totally gross. But it's two beautiful things mixed together. Chocolate and red wine. It's like getting drunk off of yoohoo. It's kind of fucking amazing. But anyway, my parents always have it around and I love it like crazy. So, it makes me sad to see a full bottle in the fridge waiting for me. "We bought you your favorite fun drink!" they say. I didn't actually tell the parents that I'm strictly paleo for the next 30 days, but my stepmom actually is incredibly keenly aware of the way I mostly eat anyway, which is why dinner was easy for me to stick to a paleo plan.

The other big temptation here is diet coke. I rarely drink it at home, but here it's like they own stock in it. In fact, when I was in high school it was piled to the ceiling in cases. Now there are only like 40-50 cans in the outdoor fridges. But they are all about diet stuff, like diet soda, diet hot chocolate, and I can fall prey to artificial sweeteners if they are around. My old eating disorder stuff when I'd live on diet coke and cigarettes. I'd drink DC so that I wouldn't eat other things. It's still tempting. So, last night was hard, especially with all the tired. So, I'm pretty impressed with myself in not giving in even a bit.

This morning I'm sipping on coffee and coconut milk (my stepmom had a can in the house that I requested). About to take a shower while the goose sleeps. Happy to be here with the parents and the goose and my awesome little brother.  It's a beautiful day out.... Sunny, crisp, 70 degrees. Damn it feels good to be a gangster...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Lolo- Day Four

It's cold here. Real cold. I mean, it's 50 degrees, which isn't real cold, but for California, it's cold. Woke up this morning and walked downstairs in my jammies for a cuppa coffee from the Bucks. Anyway, I saw this young Asian man, all bundled up in his peacoat,  standing outside of Starbucks, drinking a coffee, smoking a cigarette, and eating a pastry. I suddenly had this great desire for a giant mug of coffee doused in cream and sugar, a cigarette and a pastry. There's something wonderful about the combination of one of those freezing winter days when you can see you breath and a sugary milky hot drink accompanied by a cigarette. I've not had a cigarette in at least 7 years, nor have I bought a pastry, gosh, I don't think I've ever bought a pastry, and  I haven't even had sugar in my coffee for at lease 10 or 15 years, but MAN I was jonesing for that triple threat combo.

Me and the Goose are busily packing for our trip, folding laundry, washing sheets, doing dishes, etc.
Today was a hungry, hungry day for some reason.

Breakfast- Cup of  coffee  drenched in coconut milk -3 eggs fried in coconut oil -- 4 slices of bacon.

Lunch-- 1 sweet potato mashed up with coconut oil and three tablespoons of chia seeds. Glass of 100% pomegranate juice. Again, I know that's pushing the Paleo limits, but... it's still in there.

3 mile run. Which finally felt okay. I've been feeling all my runs be hard. But I think that the sweet potato/chia seed combo was helpful.

Post Run Snack-- 1 turkey sausage-- 3 handfuls of cashews-- a bunch of  leftover ground beef coconut milk curry stuff from the other night.

Dinner-- The rest of the leftover beef coconut stuff from the other night. A taco with grilled chicken and guacamole and salsa from the taqueria down the block.

Desert-- 15 prunes (good luck plane mates tomorrow), a handful of cashews, a handful of pecans, a handful of pistachios, a handful of walnuts, cinnamon, coconut milk-- all warmed up in the microwave and mixed together.

I have a ton of raw nuts and dried fruits and Lara bars for the plane. Hopefully the TSA doesn't cease them.

I miss wine. *le sigh* no wine (ing). 

Day Four, Koko

Reading Lolo's story about crotch-grabbing bears and the poor paleos' lack of clothes I am reminded of an otherwise relatively bright man I once knew. He believed until the age of 12 or something that bras were there to keep women's breasts from gooshing out through their nipples.


Today I rocked it paleo-style.

coffee with coconut milk; zucchini; meatloaf

porkchop breaded with almond- and coconut flour; broccoli

coconut milk "pudding" of yesterday. Dangerous.

fantastic steak from these guys; brussels sprouts with apples and bacon. With only water and black coffee. Still, can I get a hells yeah?

all day long with detox tea
chill-out tea
whoa* is me

I have a lot to say about the incredible film Black Swan but I will save it for tomorrow when I am not exhausted and quaking in my boots from all the cinematic holy-wow.

Last bit of news: my house joined this meat CSA and the Dubious Tall Guy is celebrating by watching Gwar's video for Meat Sandwich.


*screw you, Woe. I'm so over you.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Lolo- Day Three

When I was a little girl, I asked my mother why people had pubic hair. She told me that it was to protect their genitals. I thought about it for a little while and then asked my mother why they needed protection if they wore underwear. She told me that cavemen didn't have clothes. I thought about it some more and decided that the caveman must have needed the protection when bears bit them in their crotches. So, until I was probably way too old, I thought that pubes were to protect you when a bear walked up to you and bit you in your vag.  Now that I'm so Paleo, I fully expect to grow a gigantic bear barrier bush.
Today I ate four apples. I dunno why. I was just wanting the sweet and the crunch. And I love apples so much.
Was a nice Paleo day.

Breakfast: Paleoatmeal! -- 1/2 cup Pumpkin seeds,  1/2 cup sunflowerseeds,  1/4 cup chia seeds, 1 apple cored and cut up into pieces and microwaved till mushy,  5 halved prunes, 1 banana all mushed cut up, 1/2 can coconut milk-- Microwaved for 90 seconds.Delicious. Filling. Oh yeah, and coffee. :( ooops.... But had a good 3 mile run afterwards.

Lunch: 1 giant turkey sausage, 1 apple

Snack: 1/2 can of coconut milk (left over from breakfast) to down my supplements with and a handful of cashews,  1 apple.

Dinner: 3 Tacos from the taqueria around the block. Consist of grilled chicken, salsa, lettuce, guacamole, (I gave the goose the tortillas) and 1 apple and cup of green tea.

The bad news is, I didn't win the Mega Millions. :(
I didn't really want to win 168 million dollars (that's after the lump sum and taxes are taken out). But I figured that I'd give my parents, brother,  and my inlaws a bunch of money (like 10 million each) then I'd give each of my friends like 2 or 3 million each, then I'd give a bunch to charity, then in the end, I'd have a cool 10 million to buy a house and retire and travel with. I wouldn't want a gigantic sum like 168 million, I'd definitely give away 150 of those millions. Who needs the hassle? I think it would ruin my life more than enhance it. But if I gave away a ton of it, we'd all be happy.

As far as how I'm feeling... I woke up four times in the middle of the night with a very, very full bladder. I'm unsure why. I didn't even drink that much before bed. But I must be peeing a lot because I got pretty bloated with all the alcohol, baked goods, and pizza and bread and pasta etc. that we were eating the past few weeks.  I got up several times having to pee really badly, that was weird. Also, at one point, I woke up with a crazy eczema breakout. It was really bad, histamines flying everywhere. But I know that you can have a reaction from food for up to 4 or 5 days after you've eaten it. I still haven't figured out a rhyme or reason to my eczema. I know it's stress related. Like when I was little, it always broke out unless I was away at camp or visiting my Dad in Boston. I used to think that it was the New York City pollution (and all those crotch grabbing bears) but now I think it might have been the stress of my mom. I don't even feel particularly stressed right now. I know it is some kind of weird immune response, but it is mysterious to me. It's also migrated my whole life. When I was a little little girl, like 2 years old, I remember my mom putting medicine on the back of my neck. Then, as a kid, it was on the back of my arms and the back of my knees. As an adult, there is only now two small patches, one on my right palm and one on the sole of my right foot. But they are miserable and they ooze. It's yucky. But the outbreak stopped eventually and now it's just dry, cracked skin. My steroid cream always does the trick, but I've not used it cause, well, it's not Paleo, though, neither were the two advil I popped yesterday.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Day Three, Koko

Music: David Bowie, Lodger

Quiet day at Rancho Koko. I stayed true to paleo, eating:

Coffee with coconut milk, red cabbage and broccoli sauteed in coconut oil and a bit of meatloaf (turkey, spinach, egg, almond flour, tomatoes)

hardboiled egg with tinned salmon and some of the mayo I made a few nights ago on a green salad

a pork chop, "breaded" with egg, coconut/almond flour and shared with my kid, on another bed of greens with more broccoli and cabbage.

Dessert was good stuff- a "pudding" of raisins, dried mango, some almonds, coconut flakes and a kiwi soaked in coconut milk with a pinch of cardamom.

Throughout the day I drank either a light liver detox tea or a relaxing tea with fennel and ashwaganda. I ate three little cubes of raw cacao sweetened with dates and raisins. You know those sweet hippie things? They seem paleo enough. No sweetener besides the fruit. Yum.

It was a slow-mo day, typical for lately. I did some crunches, some pushups, some uttanasana, a couple supta padangusthasana (and, no, I did not know the name of this one before I started this post but it is my favorite ever for relieving hip tension). A small bit of walking with my kid, the laundry folded and away. I would be lying if I said I'm a ball of energy and feelin' groovy right now. I vacillate between contemplative and comatose, with bursts of hilarity when my kid asks me things like, "Mama, what the peanut says?"

So I am off to write down a list of things I am grateful for, before too few hours of solid sleep. At least I'm staying on plan with the food.

Baby steps.

Lolo- Day Two

All is well with day two Paleo.

I started out with a cup of coffee with coconut milk. I thought that not drinking coffee was the culprit in my slow, difficult run yesterday. But, to no avail. Today I found I couldn't run more than 1/2 a mile. I stopped and decided to just forgo the run. I'm curious as to why I'm finding running the same exact route that I do every single day so difficult all of a sudden. Especially considering I slept in both days. I'm unsure. I usually go on an empty stomach, just coffee, tea, and water. But tomorrow I'll eat some fruit and nuts before I go and see if it makes a difference.

Food was okay today.

Breakfast - cup of coffee with coconut milk and 3 eggs fried in coconut oil.

Lunch -- six or seven gigantic handfuls of cashews and an apple.

Now this was a very bad lunch. First off, I had bought the cashews for dinner, but wound up snacking on them at Whole Foods while I was waiting on the monster line. Then I got home and ate a bunch more handfuls while I was checking my email. I had planned on having my leftover kale and chicken from the night before for lunch, but after too many amount of nuts, my stomach began to hurt really badly. I shouldn't have gone shopping hungry. Good lesson for me.

Dinner-- ground grassfed beef, stir-fried in coconut oil and cooked with coconut milk and curry powder, and sauteed  cashews, water chestnuts, snowpeas, serrano peppers, orange peppers, onions and garlic.

The goose liked it a bunch. I was modeling it after his favorite dish to order in a Thai restaraunt. It turned out quite tasty and now I am very, very full. I'm sending the leftovers with him to work tomorrow in his lunch pail.

I did drink a glass of 100% pomegranate juice today which, again, I don't think juice is very paleo, or not really paleo at all. So, I gotta probably reconsider my juice.  It's challenging to get down my vitamins with water, so juice is what I usually use. I guess I could try coconut milk.

Other than that, it's been an easy day. Except it's my Dad's birthday and I totally forgot to call him. I feel horrible. sad face.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Lolo- Day One Complete

  A very mild and calm down me and the Grey Goose had. We lolled about in bed till 2. I went for a quick run (3 miles), and it felt very hard for some reason. Probably the lack of coffee. Running is easier with coffee. Too tired for a long post, so a quick run down on food for the day.

Breakfast-- Black Tea, coconut milk, Olives, zuccini, squash, 6 dates.

Lunch---2 big turkey sausages (minimally processed)

Snacks-- green tea with cinnamon and coconut milk (twice)

Dinner-- chicken and kale and tomatoes -- lots of it.

Evening snack-- Large mug of warm coconut milk with cinnamon.

Oh yeah, I downed my vitamins this evening with a glass of grapefruit juice. Not super Paleo to be drinking pasteurized juice, but alas....

Day Two, Koko

Today? Top o'the world, Ma!

I spent the afternoon with some of my ladies, watching them eat truffle fries and drink shots of Chivas Regal. Oh, yes, these are my kind of friends. Me? Two eggs, side of bacon, arugula salad, thank you very much. Black coffee, belly laughs and a tarot card reading ensued. (I'm due some pretty extraordinary stuff, in case you were wondering. Four of wands coming at Koko in the New Year, what what?)

So I didn't exactly starve but I didn't come home tanked and bloated either. For this I am thankful.

It's a good idea to lay out my resolutions, as Lolo has taken the time to do. I'm mentally swimming in fog a bit right now so mine are pretty basic. My biggest intention this year is to cultivate gratitude for what I have right now. If I can be happy because I'm grateful rather than waiting to be grateful when I am more happy I think I'll be on the right track. So getting back to gratitude practice (which in my case manifests as nightly list-making as well as frequent muttering of "Thank you thank you thank you" under my breath as I go through my day) is my first order of resolution business.

I resolve to move more. (I have to make this resolution because I am never ever in danger of being compulsive about exercise.) I had a trainer when I lived in my city. Twice a week she would bring her cute retro-styled self and flirt with my kid and we'd talk about cocktails and boys while I lifted heavy things and did irritating things like planks. I miss her and I miss the nicer abs I had when I knew her. In Marci's honor I resolve to add some crunches and some pushups to my daily routine, and a couple of jogs a week.

I resolve to keep up with my yoga. I had a pretty serious practice-changing two weeks with these incredible people this fall. I learned a lot and really embraced Iyengar in a way I had always been too macho to do before. I came home and my usual class that I'd previously loved felt not so perfect anymore (and not just because I couldn't hear the ocean through the studio door). Still, it was a class and I made it there faithfully until my studio moved across town. Since I likely won't follow I resolve to keep it up at home. Just simple things, a little bit every day. Some forward bending, some downward facing dogs. Easy peasy.

I resolve to keep up writing. I let it go when I did it professionally and now it's like the creative impulses have been squoze from my self-concept. I would like but am too low and shy right now to resolve to finding a music project to engage in with others. So this year I will keep that resolution simpler and more privately-oriented and call it resolving to learn to play guitar better.

There are the things I mentioned peviously-- losing weight and improving skin, but I'm seeing those more as predicted outcomes than as resolutions. And I have other things, like keeping a cleaner house, being more patient, being a more engaged parent. No texting on the playground. Maybe getting away from Disgracebook forever. I am toying with the idea of running a half marathon again, perhaps in the fall.

In food news, the kid is a natural little caveboy. We were pretty Weston Price-y before (and I was frequently too unprepared to have the grains set up for meals) so it's not a huge leap. It's not like he was doing all-Cheerios all the time but I did think he would miss all the Christmas treats a bit more than he has. He ate two big bowls of beef and veg soup this evening and then snacked on homemade sauerkraut with not a complaint. Meanwhile the Dubious Tall Guy munched chocolate covered almonds in the next room, but that's another story.


Lolo- Day One

Good Morning! It's not so much morning at it is noon. I am so happy to be on day one of these 30 days.  And it was right for me not to start yesterday. We spent all day at Carroll and Katrina's house stuffing ourselves on processed meat and cheese. Then, after dropping A off at the airport, we headed straight to the cousins house where  the dinner consisted of chips, salsa, mexican pizzas, ice cream, brownie, etc. etc. I went home stuffed and satisfied, knowing that this month would be nice for getting back to it. I realized though that I can't accept any invitations to dinners this month at all. We are going to my parents' house for 5 days next week, so that might be challenging, but they're always good about respecting what I'm choosing or not choosing to eat.
I'm happy it's new years and I do have some resolutions this year.  There are a couple that I have every year:
1.)To try to be more kind.
2.)To continue working on letting go of judgment and criticism of myself and of those around me. This is a practice that I have been working on for at least the past 9 years or so. It involves letting go of my framework for what I think is right and allowing it to be what I understand is right for me and understanding that everyone is an autonomous being with their own beliefs, intuition and spiritual guidance and their thoughts, actions, and behaviors are reflective of their own needs.  This one is not always easy because I'll certainly silently roll my eyes when I hear someone go on a diatribe about their vegetarian diet and about how they're raising their kid vegetarian. I was a vegan for many, many years and it wreaked havoc on my body. I was sick often, I was anemic, I couldn't focus, and I was anxious. Eating meat changed all that. But again, that's my own personal experience. A girlfriend of mine is raising her kid vegetarian and I wish that she weren't. I feel worried. But actually, the truth is, she never gets sick, she has the focus of a samurai, she's in awesome shape, she's smart, beautiful, healthy and eats really well. So, I realize that what I've done here is metabolize my own experience onto her and used that as a lens for worrying about her son. These are the kinds of things I'd like to let go of. I know that I have some friends who have bad habits like drinking and driving or some worrysome eating disorder behaviors. I think it's appropriate to be concerned here and when appropriate to talk about with them, but certainly not to criticize, berate, judge or discuss behind their backs. I continue to work on cultivating that kind of empathy and letting go of judgment and I think that I've been able to really, really, really change over the past nine years. But there are certain things that I've not dealt with very well. For example, it's been challenging for me to cultivate empathy for my husband for his disgusting, compulsive, evil, degrading habits that he's broken this year (see there, not very compassionate.) I'm trying to, but because they've affected me directly, it's challenging. Sometimes I feel filled with compassion for him. And in those moments I call him and let him know because I understand that it's fleeting. I do know that at some point those fleeting feelings will stabilize. But the anger and judgment with the husband is based in fear. And aren't all judgments based in fear anyway?  The other thing that's an ongoing challenge that I've been working on is not criticizing myself. It's become infinitely better in these past nine years. I'm much more apt to accept my mistakes and failures as opportunities and my indiscretions or overindulgences as human. However, there are times when I feel very angry at myself for things that I think I might have done wrong, like acted inconsiderately, or said the wrong thing at work, or came to someone's house empty handed or acted greedy or stingy.  In the new year, rather than using these things to be angry at or berate myself, I want to use them as opportunities and learning experiences. It doesn't mean I have to go above or beyond for everyone, or let people trample on my boundaries, or spend money that I don't have. I have to be kind to everyone, but if there are things I don't want to do, or people I feel that I don't need to be close to, I don't need to work super hard on that or be angry at myself for not stepping up to the plate. It's not healthy or productive for anyone. I've been definitely better about that over the past 7 years or so. And I want to continue working on it. 
And some new resolutions:
1.)Meditate more regularly and find more connection with the universe around me.
2.)Begin to let go of stress about money and trust that if I am working with integrity, that I will be provided for.
3.)Have some goals that I work on each week. Like maybe one week it will be get to a yoga class once this week, or write a short story this week.
4.)READ MORE BOOKS!!!!!!!! I somehow have forgotten how to read.
5.)Read more professionally relevant literature.
6.)Challenge myself by going to professional workshops that don't interest me at all.

As far as food goes. After these 30 strict days, I'd like to be mostly Paleo, but not black and white about it. That's mostly how I've been since May and I've really felt good about it. December was a whole different story. But December is over. Thank goodness.

In terms of exercise, I really like my level of exercise now. I run 3-4 times a week, and I don't want to increase that or decrease that, but I'd like to add some yoga into the mix as well as some strength training, like pushups or pullups and maybe a tiny bit of weight lifting. Running is wonderful for my constitution, my mood and my butt. But I think it tightens me up a bit and would like to do other things to help me get more limber and soft in the muscles. I can't exercise too much because I've been compulsive about it in the past.

No eating disorder behaviors ever. No skipping meals or restricting food when I'm hungry, no counting calories, no over exercising, no weighing myself, no berating myself for gaining weight.  I don't have a problem with people weighing themselves if they're not prone to eating disorders, only myself because it's such a weird trigger for me. There's never a number that I find suitable. And I cannot let myself be ruled by a mechanical box. My eating disorder behaviors are few and far between these days. I never binge, I never take laxatives, I never fast or starve, I don't intentionally skip meals, but there are times when I get so busy that I don't make time for meals. I can't delude myself into believing that it's 100% unintentional. I'm sure that on some unconscious level, I like it. As a younger person, I'd not eat all day, then just have a salad for dinner. Then later I'd binge, then I'd take laxatives and do all sorts of crazy things. Spend hours at the gym. Go on weird fasts (think-- the master cleanser). But, I'm very recovered from that. The one thing that can remain is the anxiety over packing on the pounds, though I know that weight fluctuations are natural, especially in the winter. I would like to be more calm about that.

7.) Make sex more exciting. (self explanatory)

So, there you have it. My new years resolutions for 2011. I will check in later with food for the day. Kisses,


p.s. Koko looked hottttt on New Years Eve. Everyone was talking about how amazing she looked after she and the fam left.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Day One, Koko

So here it is my day one. It's been a slow and quiet day that went well from a food perspective. For breakfast, an egg, chard and a piece of bacon. Coffee with coconut milk. Lunch was an orange and a small handful of nuts when I hung out with my poor sick mom and watched the excellent Dr. Who opener this afternoon. Dinner was a beef stew that had all of the goodness of said mom's midwestern cabbage rolls, but with none of the rice or cream or pesky rolling up business.

I'm sitting here drinking a cup of ginger tea and noticing how much I like and miss my nightly wine or nightly chocolate or nightly both. I notice a real tendency to self-soothe with food and drinks that isn't surprising but is very obvious by its absence.

I'm asking myself: how do I feel? A bit tired, a bit self-pitying but generally grateful. Lacking much to write about I will offer this up, something I've shared on my skincare blog and that seems pertinent on this night of list-making before a big shopping trip tomorrow.  Click here for the Environmental Working Group's list of the best conventional fruit and veg choices and those that it is most crucial to buy organic.

And with that I'll step off to an early bed. Resolution #75: sleep more.


Lolo- Pre Day One Day One

I'm not completely off calling this Day one. I'm unsure as to what will be served this evening. If it's possible for me to stay Paleo tonight strictly I will, but the day leading up to the night will be Paleo. I am so freaking happy to be starting.

I found some good Paleo recipes around town, one here, another here and yet another one here 
and here's more.

And here's something for Koko's little Paleo Man if she hasn't yet seen it. 

Last night was filled with drunken debauchery and New Year's Eve goodness. We have a ridiculous amount of leftover food and I'm unsure what we'll do with it.