Saturday, July 2, 2011

Koko Whole 30, Summer Edition

Day One of a new Whole 30 for me. Fasted until 3pm, with just green tea and water all day. Lunch was bacon and eggs with chard from our garden. Dinner was kelp noodle pasta with beef cheek and veggies. Lots of watermelon. Coffee with cocoa powder, coconut milk and stevia. Good stuff. Which reminds me. . .

While doing a Whole experiment, I cook with butter, use stevia (an herb rather than a synthetic sweetener), and chew sugarless gum. I don't use any other dairy. I like a bit of coffee. I breathe on people for work and I feel better doing so with gum in my maw.

More tomorrow. It feels good to be back in the saddle again.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Lolo - Knocked up Edition

So I don't want to turn this into a Paleo pregnancy blog. But I guess it's going to be at least 1/3 a paleo pregnancy blog.

So, I'm 3 1/2 months pregnant. Yay!  It's been complex in certain ways, but great in others. No morning sickness! But lots of belly aches and constipation. Also, I have been off and on out of control with sugar. I am never out of control with sugar when not pregnant. Of course when I'm not pregnant, I have 1-2 glasses of red wine most nights. And when I did my 30 days of pure paleo, I was out of control with fruit. Which I seem to be lately as well. I've been downing watermelon and mangoes and cantaloupe like I'm a tenderloin drag queen and fruit is a size 15 knock off Manolos.  But I don't want to be out of control with sugar anymore.  A few weeks ago, I tried a week of pure paleo but wound up losing a ridiculous amount of weight in less than a week. So that's not for me.
I know that I can get calcium in  ways other than dairy, but really, who wants to eat that much canned salmon? Certainly not me. But kefir has been doing me well. So, I plan on doing paleo and continuing to report daily on my food because I like that.
I also plan on having a non- Paleo day every once in a while (like today! and probably at least once a week) because it's cruel to deny a pregnant lady pizza and chocolate. However, I have noticed that when I eat like crap, I get horribly constipated. So, I would like to stay pretty close to Paleo. With the addition of cultured dairy, fermented foods (miso, sauerkraut, etc), some tofu-- I know that soy and pregnancy are not necessarily awesome together, but I've been having ridiculous tofu cravings throughout this pregnancy. So, tofu it is. And some beans and chickpeas. So, it's barely pure paleo, but it's right for me. I am hoping to get up to 150-155 pounds.
Unfortunately, I can't exercise because of some pregnancy complications. I haven't gone on a run since March 4th and I'm sort of going fucking crazy. I was hoping to run through the whole pregnancy. But now, it seems that I won't be able to run at all. I can't even swim or do anything strenuous. Very yucky.  Back when I was in high school, I was a competitive swimmer. After that, I took a little while off of swimming, but got back into it by my third year of college.  Strenuous exercise just makes me feel right. And right now I feel wrong. In fact, my body is all jacked up. I am in pain all up and down my right side. I feel like ass. I went to my chiropractor and for a massage, and I still feel like total shit. And I can't take anything for it. But I digress. Shit, this is becoming a kvetch blog. But anyway, yeah, I'll report in most days with food and all that.

exes and ohs-- Lolo.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Lolo Day - Days 12-14

All is good in Paleo land. Food is good, poopings good, (thanks to the magic of chia seeds) and I'm feeling a little bit more hearty these days, which is good. Decided to add some fermented dairy in (kefir) because it helps with my digestion in a way that sauerkraut just doesn't. In fact, sauerkraut has an unfortunate circumstance of making me nauseated. I actually think that one of the fatal flaws of the Paleo diet is no including fermented foods, which are phenomenal for keeping my digestion good and keeping me healthy.  So, I'm back to my daily glass (or two) of kefir per day which makes me happy. Of course I'm not adding honey to it, which makes me sad, but staying away from sugar is a better way for me to go. Okay gotta go.


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Lolo Days 7 & 8- taking a cue from Mr. Sinatra and doing it my way (or Sid Vicious)

Days 7 & 8 went well, except for probably eating too much on Sunday which gave me a horrible belly ache that lasted all day yesterday and it's finally starting to subside. I had a lovely chia pudding with walnuts and prunes and bananas and dates for desert on Sunday night and man, it did a number on my digestive track. I think I cleaned out years worth of intestinal debris over the past 30 hours.  Had dinner out with the husband at this cute little place and ate an artichoke stuffed with crab and shrimp and a plain salad on the side. Freaking delicious and very paleo. There was nothing suspect except for mayo on the side, which I gleefully indulged in. Oh wait, maybe that's what did it to my bowels... hmmm...
Yesterday was light on the food just because the belly was so very unhappy.
Lunch was some tofu and dinner was a delicious concoction of sweetpotatoes, red chard, onions, garlic, chicken, and chickpeas spiced with tumeric, cumin, and cayenne and a miso/tahini dressing that I made to dress it up. It was so good and even the Goose loved it. Of course sweetpotatoes are controversial in some paleo circles. But I think they're fine, I ate them in the last incarnation and will continue to. And chickpeas and soy (as in tofu and miso) are definitely not paleo in any circle, but as I said before, I've modified it to make it work for me, and moderate amounts of soy and chickpeas work for me. As a vegan I ate tons of soy, and then, I became vehemently anti-soy. And of course the Weston Price people think soy is the devil. I sort of agree. It's not super good for you in high doses, the way I used to eat it. But I certainly don't think that the one off stir fry with tofu in it is going to hurt me and it sits well with me. It's hard to piece all these things together. Like Weston Price is all about dairy, paleo is all about no dairy, Slow Carb is about no fruit or nuts, and lots of legumes, paleo is about fruit,
and nuts, but no legumes.  I think that no one outside of you can tell you exactly how to eat, you just have to figure out what works for your body. For me, fruit, limited dairy, limited soy, legumes, veggies and meat and seeds and limited nuts seems to work the best. Paleo wasn't great for me last time around because my hormones got all jacked up from all the coconuts and nut products. I had horrible periods and lots of eczema. But now, it seems to be working. I can't say that I'm pure paleo. I'm Paleololo and that seems to feel right. No intense cravings or weird hormonal shifts and absolutely zero eczema breakouts. So yay for that!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Koko - Day 7 Dream

Forgot to mention that I dreamed last night that I ate not one, not two, but THREE gigantic cinnamon buns. I kept thinking, "My god, I'll have to blog about these."

So here I am.

Koko - Days 6 and 7

Take me out to the baaaalllll game. With neither peanuts nor Crackerjack. Or rum in a flask, for that matter. I spent a victorious A's game eating carrots and healthy turkey meat dipped in guacamole. It was nice, though I do notice that pretty much everything I do is a tad less fun when I'm not drinking. Is that alcoholism, I wonder? Or do people drink for a reason? You know: because it's fun?

I practiced driving, from home to the Colloseum. The A's smoked the Mariners. It was Japanese Heritage Day and Matsui got his 2500th career run. I got a lot of reading done and felt happy to be in the sun.

Later, dinner at my dad's house. I am forever surprised by what people eat and call healthy. His wife is a smug Weight Watcher who has a bunch of digestive issues but is still very attached to fiber, whole grains, low fat and fake sugar. Yet she is also a totally self-righteous "real foody" and a quasi-vegetarian. It's fun eating and talking about food over there!

Dinner was burgers, grilled onions, avocados, cole slaw (lo-fat mayo, very sweet) and sweet potato fries.  God knows what my kid ate all day with them - he had explosive and mucousy diarrhea and kicked me and screamed in his sleep all night. Boo.

Cucu – Top O’ Week Two

Just a quick update regarding how I’m doing.
The scale this morning states I’m down 9 lbs., which is hard to believe, as I generally work out harder at the beginning of a weight loss endeavor. But after a week of clean eating and several light cardio outings, I’ll take it! Huzzah! Also, I do believe the fish oil has greased my joints a bit, so I’m feeling a smidge more spring in my step.
While I feel good, I don’t feel void of cravings—it took all the strength I could muster a couple nights ago to skip the Jack in the Box drive-thru for a mint Oreo cookie shake and head home for an apple and nuts. I will continue to monitor my cravings, and while I know they’ll never altogether disappear, my hope is they at least quiet waaaay down. Lastly, I'm feeling tired, but I suspect I will pep up once I start working out harder/sleeping sounder.
As for food, I was Pretty in Paleo but for a bowl of chili, one french fry and three Junior Mints (a birthday outing with my niece is to blame), a couple Starbucks coffees with ½ and ½, and gluten-free whey protein, which is either acceptable or not depending on which Paleo expert you’re reading. I think it’s also worth mentioning I'm overall enjoying the meal plan, and I kicked ass on a spaghetti squash and meat sauce recipe—that there squash will likely be a weekly staple. Yum!
So far, so goodness.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Lolo Days 5 & 6

Day 5 was great, I discovered the best, but most ridiculously expensive paleo snack, made by Zen Monks in Detroit. I didn't know that Detroit had monks, but whatevs. Anyway,  I'll never buy these again because they're so damn overpriced. But so fucking good.  Delicious in fact. Yesterday,  day 6, my planned falling off went right according to plan. It was fine. Lots of motorloaf and scones and cream and jam and even going out to a bar where adult beverages were flowing and I even ate a whole burrito for dinner.  But back to it today.Yay for today!
I went to the doctor on Friday and discovered that I lost two pounds since I went last which was after our last 30 day Paleo challenge. I really don't want to be losing weight this time around, so I'm probably going to increase dairy.  Last time I went high on the coconut and nuts thing, but my eczema and my period were both awful and I don't want to trigger any weird hormonal shit this time. So, this time around, lots more dates and fruits of all kind and I'm gonna up my dairy and chickpeas. I realized that if you stick with Paleo pretty strictly and don't go nuts on nuts, weight just kind of falls off inadvertently. 
Okay, I'm off to whole foods to buy Kale and butternut squash and lots of other yummy stuff.

x's and o's

Friday, April 1, 2011

Koko - Days 4 and 5

One work week down. Going okay, wicked boo hoo pms not withstanding. I sat through two visits to the local ice cream parlor, dinner at this sweet restaurant, and the entire first half of a school play (which featured 4 year olds singing selections from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I kid you not), all without even one little nip of alcohol.

A bit of dairy has snuck in (the unasked-for bleu cheese on tonight's burger, a bit of half and half in yesterday's coffee) and I'm reminded that I can't have Lara Bars around. I ate two today, in lieu of food. And then I ate food. Otherwise, I'm on the paleo-la-la path (which is how I do paleo while also indulging my dorky francophilia. I'm reading this right now and really loving it despite near-constant references to patisseries.)

Exercise has fallen off this week so that's a goal to pick up again. I have other, non-paleo goals I'm working on and those are going well. One is to wear pretty underwear every day. Because, you know: I'm deep.

So sleepy. Off to dreamland pour moi.


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Lolo Day 4

Just a quick update because I'm exhausted.
Awesome day. Got flowers from a client and it was gorgeous out. I love the sun. Food was great.
breakfast was chia pudding-- chia seeds soaked in almond milk with walnuts and prunes and nutmeg and cloves.
lunch was tofu, seaweed, and an apple. I know that soy isn't paleo, but as I said before, this time the rules are less about what "the rules" are and more of what works for me. And sometimes I have crazy tofu cravings. I have no idea why, I just crave blocks of raw tofu. It's just yummy to me.
Snack was carrots.
Dinner was brussel sprouts with olive oil and cayenne, and a salad with avocado, romaine, tomato and a bit of bacon and hard boiled eggs and some tahini lemon dressing that I made which was yummy and another apple.
My goal here is balance, health and vitality. I definitely don't want to lose weight this time around. One thing that I loved last time around that I haven't been doing enough this time around is once or twice daily meditation sessions. I want to put that as a goal for tomorrow and next week. Helps me to just feel happy and peaceful for most of the day.

The Honeymooner - Day 4

Cucu here, doing the LoKomotion!

It’s been 3.5 days of blissful bacon and sausage, apples and semi-frozen berries, veggies galore, coconut oil and nuts (as in cuckoo, or Cucu!). I’m keeping it simple to start, and hoping long-term to whip up Paleo recipes with gusto and ease (think Julia Child with a duck), as well as up my energy, exit a nagging funk and trade flesh for flesh (sorry piggies, chickies, moo-moos and various sea critters!).

This journey starts at the tail end of taking very poor care of my body for quite some time, after success and equal failure with various diets, after major life changes. But more on that later—like the post’s title states, I’m in the honeymoon stage! It’s all enjoying the retraining of my palate, asking Koko (goddess of nutritional and other wisdom) annoying questions and tracking the diminishment of junk food cravings.

I feel successful thus far in keeping on track with my meal plan, getting in some exercise and strolling on by several sample stations at the grocery store featuring baked goodness, chips and cheese, with nary a second glance! Though it did take Herculean effort to not buy roasted-salted macadamia nuts (or put my mouth under the bulk food nozzle). Only raw nuts for me (that’s what she said).

I just wanted to say a quick hello, and thanks for inviting me to share here and there. And uber gratitude to Koko, for both introducing me to Paleo and giving me all manner of encouragement.

Well, like Little Miss Lolo, I like me a hearty poop. I’m off now, as Jerri Blank from Strangers With Candy once said, “to pass what will hopefully be a very memorable stool.”


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Koko - Day 3

Another fine day. Tons of sun here so I feel like my Vitamin D stores are getting stocked way up. More fruit than is probably good for me, I had watermelon, an apple, some raspberries (these frozen with half a LARA bar, a leftover kid-snarfed banana, some cacao nibs, and coconut: shredded and milk). I took the caveboy out for an ice cream and ignored his bossy 3-year-old dictate that "I have MANGO and YOU have CHOCOLATE, mommy." I, in fact, had none. I did have some eggs, I think some meatloaf? a LOT of pork roast, sauerkraut and charden from our garden, all covered in yummy pork roast drippings and full of garlic.

What else? Just some walking. I'm noticing that, historically, it may be that I get my exercise groove only after a couple solid weeks of the paleo eating. This seems to have been the case the previous two rounds - first I get the food sorted, then the manic nighttime running happens.

I don't know. It's a busy week. I have loads to do in life and jogs and thrice-weekly bar videos are not (yet) happening again.

I'm laughing as I reread the posts from last time: all enthusiasm at the beginning, full of "never again, this regimenting is stupid" as time goes on.

I realise I never feel on an even keel with food. I am either hungry but feeling light and energetic, or I feel slothy, full, ravenous and insular. I wonder what it would take to just feel even and good most of the time.

More sleep, to start.

good night.

Lolo Day 3- Accountability

Today was one of those days where I really wanted a bagel and cream cheese. And then I really wanted to go to Walgreens and buy 4 cream eggs and put them in the freezer and them eat them frozen. Then, after dinner, I wanted frozen yogurt.  But I didn't because of me and koko's new challenge.  I realized then that this is why we do it. Not to be insanely strict or to be obsessive, but to be accountable and get support for this. I already know that I'm planning on eating some bread on Saturday and perhaps having a Paleo grade drink on Saturday evening, and that's fine. It's planned, though not a planned binge, and this blog and our dedication to each other is what makes this doable. It's what makes me say, "no bagel today, no chocolate today. Not no forever, just no for now." And I like that. Especially these days when I'm having lots of anxiety. For various reasons, anxiety and I have become great friends in the past month or so. We spend all our time together, frolicking, canoodling, in fact, we hardly get any sleep and spend many nights awake just being with each other.
As for food, 'twas a nice meaty day today.
Breakfast was tofu and butter (wtf?) Tea with almond milk and a whole bunch of kelp
Lunch was Salad with chicken and balsamic vinegar and oil
Snack of maybe 3-4 handfuls of almonds
Dinner was a small salad, one whole avocado and a very, very, very large greasy burger with cheddar cheese.
I'm pretty full, but thinking I might have an apple before bed because lack of fruit = lack of poop and you know how I love to poop.

Okay. Lolo out!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Lolo- Day 2

Today was fine except for my little potato binge. The goose was eating a crepe and he doesn't eat the potatoes that go with it, so I got 'em. I'm not totally anti potato, but I can overdo them. So that can be problematic. But otherwise, good day, with lots of fruit, apples, dates, and lots of veggies, carrots, beets, kale and lots of salmon, almonds, and chicken. Plus a bit of dairy, some feta cheese and cream in my tea. Speaking of tea, who knew that Samovar had a paleo plate? Yum! It's kale, beets, carrots, smoked salmon (or tofu or chicken or whatever you want!). And tomorrow I'm going to make this Chia pudding for breakfast. I love anything that makes me poop.

Koko Day 2 - Now with Accidental Gluten?

Great day! I saw the Eadweard Muybridge exhibit at the MOMA and really enjoyed the homoerotic motion studies - barely clad blacksmiths coming at you!

I had a really good dance class in which I didn't feel like (much of) a total spaz, a had a short, nice conversation with a Tunisian cafe owner who has set up shop near a place I go every week. I told him I was glad he was saving me from patronizing Starbucks and we talked about Turkish baths, massage, and why my coffee choice (black, no sugar) made me "healthy, like a French person." Why, merci beaucoup, monsieur. You do go on.

I ate some meatloaf that was totally unpaleo, I'm sure. I ordered it at my favorite little coffee place near work before realizing that meatloaf is generally made with breadcrumbs, not almond meal, as it is in my house. So Day 2 and I'm imperfect already. But perfection is unrealistic and hardly my goal.

Home cooking tomorrow. This is key for me for keeping on track.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Lolo Day 1

So happy that Lolo and Koko are back. Have been feeling out of control with food lately and uncomfortable with sugar. Have been eating lots of ice cream and chocolate and cream eggs. Yummm... cream eggs.
My goal for this time around is not to get obsessive. I plan to eat a bit of bread on Saturday (though not go crazy) but then get right back on. I also will incorporate a small amount of soy and dairy and a very moderate amount of legumes (beans every so often, though not a ton) because for some reason I crave tofu and chickpeas often and I feel good when I eat them. This time I won't go crazy with coconut because it gave me f**ed up periods last time and I won't go crazy with nuts because I think it triggered my eczema in an intense way. But I definitely feel much, much better off of gluten and sugar and booze and caffeine. I've been mostly off the booze and caffeine for a while now though, so that feels nice. 
Am feeling good emotionally.
Food was fine today, after my weekend Ben & Jerry's binge.

Breakfast was 3 handfuls of almonds and an apple.
Lunch was a bowl of miso soup with seaweed in it and some of my leftovers from dinner last night.
Dinner was same as lunch leftovers from last night which was kale, onions, garlic, butternut squash, chickpeas, cashews and tofu sauteed in olive oil with sea salt, cayenne and tumeric. Pretty delicious.
That's all for now.

except that i wish cream eggs were paleo... le sigh...

Koko - Day 1

Strong start to the new Whole 29 thing. Meat, veg, eggs, half of the kid's banana and half of his clementine. Coconut milk in the morning coffee, some coconut oil to cook with, almond meal in the meatballs, black coffee in the afternoon, in the absence of coconut milk and committed again to see how I work with a strict no dairy policy. All of my potential bingey things were kept well in check. Even the Lara bars and chocolate atop the frigo were left untouched. So I feel good!

I do notice I feel more hungry right now, even though I'm well-fed. My body misses its preciousssss, the sugar, the sugar. I'm excited to feel the cravings die away, and happy to have more time to exercise in earnest later on in the week.

As for my specific goals for this time around. . . Well, my main goal is that I plan to complete the whole 29 days rather than fucking off the last several in a fit of the gimme-gimmes. And now, some after-dinner crunches and push-ups. Then: house cleaning! Tomorrow's impromptu landlord visit has my attention more than food, glorious food talk.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Lolo- Right Before Day One

Goshdarn sugar hangover... this has been a bad weekend with food. But that's okay. Happy to get back to a saner, gentler Paleo-ishing.   I'm also going to allow tofu and some legumes, like chickpeas both which i crave a lot.
March 27-April 26. Looking forward to it. Having tea with tea sandwiches next weekend. Won't restrict the bread, but will be moderate with it. Other than that, no exceptions that I can think of for the next 30 days.

Koko T-minus-1 Part Two: Synchronicity - Without the Silly Outfits

Let's first get out of the way that, while the Police were pretty great, their clothes in the Synchronicity era were undeniably silly. (By the way, I love the way this particular video gets all John-Woo-does-doves-and-streaming-things up in here. Oh la la, l'80's!) Not that you'd ever see the Great Master Sting doing a double-gun anything (unless that's a new Tantra position I don't know about).

. . .Anyway.

Synchronicity came in the form of a text from Lolo today, asking if I'd be down for another 30 days of paleocity, beginning tomorrow. An enthusiastic YES. It's great timing since I had plans in place to do a little Whole 29 number with our friend Cucu (as she shall henceforth be known here). Cucu is new to the paleo thing, and while I've had some happy success these past couple of months, I've been slacking hard this past week +, this season of St. Patrick's Day soda bread, fatty meats, colcannon, whiskey and Girl Scout Cookies. Realistically, that one holiday came and went, but the huge container of Samoas-flavored ice cream (which I will call seasonal eating at its best and I dare you to differ) lingered not long enough in my freezer. Worse, it spawned a whole lot of lazy eating and the time is now to buck up and get back on la plan.

I will not be doing 30 days. I will be doing 29, knocking off one day early to celebrate Easter in the grand and Cadbury-glutted method to which I have little doubt will still delight me when I'm through this month of sugar-free existence.

So that's where I am- beginning a near-month of paleo tomorrow: no booze, limiting coffee, ditto not abusing nuts, coconuts or dried fruit products. Welcome meat, vegs and fat. I'll keep on loving you, barre work, belly dance, light jogs and - hell, perhaps the new kettlebell video. Not to be a cliche, but dang if the things don't seem to create some hella hot bods.

I'll chime in with more specific goals tomorrow and plan to update daily (though I am not interested in obsessive tallying food consumed this time around). For now, if I may propose a toast: I raise my (last) glass of wine (for a while), sending love to Lolo and a "Welcome, friend" + love to Cucu, and celebrate our already warm hearts, sharp minds and hella hot bods.

Lolo Here-- How About Another 30 Days?

I'm considering doing another 30 day Paleo stint. I've already been off booze completely for about 30 days and I've all but given up caffeine. I think I might try it again except, learning from last time:

1.)No on coconut products, nuts, or Lara bars.
2.)No getting obsessive. If I need a non-fat latte' or a diet coke, I'll get one, but that doesn't mean every day.
3.)I'm allowed the occasional bowl of bran cereal, because sometimes, all that meat is hard on the intestines if you know what I mean.
4.)I'm not going to go super strict on the dairy thing.
Okay, I'll check in tomorrow with food.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Lolo Paleo Roundup 2 weeks after the fact

Okay, so here's my Paleo round up. I lost a few pounds. I'm not sure how many, somewhere between 3-5. That's only significant because I know that I increased my fat and calories significantly. So, that disproves the whole a calorie is a calorie argument.  My eczema has gone away and my skin has stopped breaking out since I stopped. So, poo on them for their claims of perfect skin. I had the worst menses of my life on it. I did have increased energy and was able to exercise a bunch. That was good. It was also good to have something to focus on that isn't IVF or our fertility issues. Now that I'm not doing Paleo, that's the focus and I hate it. We were supposed to start in 6 days, but I canceled it. I am too freaked out by the whole thing. First off, we don't have all the money we need and will have to put $10,000.00 on credit cards, which sucks and will take years to pay off, but that's the least of my problems. I just don't want something that fucking invasive to happen to my body. I spent the night crying as did the husband. We just want a family so badly and we've been trying for so long, and so many fucked up things have happened along the way these past 2 1/2 years of trying, and we're just so sad and we feel so depressed and so alone. But I'm not ready to start giving myself shots every day. I'm not ready to inject myself with hormones. The nurse was going through the list of side effects that I will no doubt feel and I started getting woozy and overwhelmed. I have no problem popping a xanax here and there or downing a glass (or 3) of wine when I'm needing a little extra comfort. But this... this is fucking scary. And I'm mortified. And we just don't know what to do.  Oh well. It is what it is. The husband is taking me away for the weekend, i don't know where to so we can try to not think about it for a few days. Stupid sperm.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Lolo- Puke, water, water, puke, puke, water, puke edition

Not feeling so hot this morning. Drank way more than my body needed and am feeling incredibly depressed, paranoid, regretful, embarrassed, ashamed, self-disgust, and all those other feelings that go along with losing myself in alcohol. I'm going to be honest, it's the third day in a row that I've drank too much. After many weeks of being abstinent from alcohol use, I totally lost my shit and started drinking. I have been very, very depressed and anxious lately and I've been doing everything right to help me through. I've been doing tons of yoga, I've been meditating and I've been running a lot and staying sober. But I cracked on Thursday night. I spent the morning on the phone with my nurse for my IVF procedure. I found that many of my fertility levels are beginning to change commensurate with someone who is aging. Probably a little prematurely as well. And I thought that I did it to myself by running too much, but the nurse said no. That in fact it has nothing to do with that. I just wanted to think I have some control in this situation. But I have none. First it was just my husband. When we started trying when I was 34, my levels were great. Now, my fertility is declining. It's not bad yet. But it will be soon. And I'm really feeling that loss of control. Things are just not working out the way I hoped they would. Of course they never do in life. It's hard to manage expectations with reality. But because of it, I feel so sad, so out of control. As I said, doing paleo and having a different focus was helpful. Not drinking, meditating, running, doing yoga, helpful. Drinking was not helpful. And I knew it wouldn't be. But on Thursday night. I just didn't want to feel anymore. I came home from work, and I knew that I wanted alcohol. So I did what I could to distract myself. I got my nails done (fire engine red!) I ran 3.5 miles. By the time I was done running, I came home and sat in my apartment in all my sweaty clothes. I knew there was a yoga class that I could go to. The bottle of wine in our wine fridge was taunting me. I finally lost my shit and poured a small glass and sat there drinking it slowly. I just didn't want to feel anymore. Then the husband called and said he was working late. Which gave me the opportunity to drink more. And before I knew it, I'd drank half the bottle. I spilled the rest out and went into the shower. I was very drunk. But it gets worse. I compulsively took two vicadon. The husband has them around the house from an old surgery. I just couldn't take being in my head anymore.  So the husband came home. He didn't say anything if he knew, I don't know if he did.  But that makes me hate myself more. Just knowing that I had that kind of behavior. I woke up so ashamed and miserable the next morning. The next day was our anniversary and we had three drinks each, which wasn't bad, I would have drank much more except the husband was moderating. He knows how to do that. Me, I'm not so good when the ETOH enters my system. Then yesterday, again, I tried to keep it clean by going to a yoga class, meditating, etc. But I lost my shit in the biggest way yet and binge drank in front of many people. Which is the worst and so embarrassing for me.  Because again, I just lose my shit when I drink. And I'm so much happier when I don't.   This IVF stuff is really, really bringing me down. I just don't want to do it. I don't want to take shots for 30 days. I don't want to take out loans for $28,000.00, I don't want to have surgery done to me to harvest my eggs. I don't want any of that. And it's not fair that I have to because it's my husband's fault that I'm not getting pregnant.  And so I'm resentful. And I feel anxious about it all the time. Birthdays since I've been trying to get pregnant have been awful. My 35th wasn't too bad, but my 36th, I just sat home and cried. The husband is taking me out of town this year so that doesn't happen again. But I've been anticipating it now for months. I can't take it anymore. 2+ years of trying to get pregnant, having no control, having my husband turn out to not be who I thought he was, sometimes it gets easier, but this week it's felt hard. So hard. I woke up at 3am this morning with all of that shame and intense anxiety about not remembering the second half of the night. And I've not been back to sleep since. I know that it will get better, and after we do our IVF and have the baby that this time will be forgotten. But it's just so fucking hard right now.  And my coping mechanisms which were so good for so many weeks, got really bad 4 days ago, and I feel so ashamed of myself. So disgusted with myself.  I know that I'll feel better in a few days. But for now, I just want to hide.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Koko: Bar Method Experiment, Day One

I'm eating well but I'm not eating totally paleo. I eat sugar (in the form of a tin of delicious spicy cocoa I am working my way through nearly daily) and occasional other stuff. Right now post workout I'm enjoying some saag paneer and a very small amount of basmati rice. I drink cream in my coffee when I'm not organized enough to have my own cup preloaded with coconut milk. (And I was truly abusing coconut milk there for a while so I've only just started having it in the house again this week.) All in all I feel a lot better than I did on the pure paleo plan. Again, though, I am aware I should myself and note that my mood triggers aren't all diet-related by a long shot. I'm using the bar a lot, doing Lotte Berk   and Bar Method dvds and running small runs a lot more frequently. I figure I may as well document what goes on with these workouts. The most  efficient way to do that will be to take measurements since these workouts are all about dropping sizes and toning. I'll do that and likely keep my numbers private a while until they change to a degree that I am happy posting them to no one inparticular.

Meantime, I am counting today as Day 1 of, let's say, a monthly goal of: Bar workouts 4 x a week and 2 small runs a week. Plus Tuesday dance class and Saturday bar class when I can make it.

After a month I expect to feel awesome. I will report!


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Koko, Hanging out post-30

I'm enjoying barre work and my girlfriends inspired me via the magic of Facebook to check back in on my dance class again. My abdominal muscles cramp in mysterious ways and I kind of almost feel like I'm getting a butt again. When I eat well I actually have energy to burn and running at night feels fun and nearly effortless. I'm checking myself to make sure my motivations aren't manic and that my aim is true. The sun seems to have me in an upswing and I'm spending this superbowl Sunday planting a garden with my kid.

Planning a paleo party is fun, but my god it's so much cheaper and easier to throw out some cheese and a baguette.

xo Koko

Friday, February 4, 2011

Koko's Roundup

So the upshot for me was that I completed three solid, excellent weeks of paleo. In a row. I got off track on my in-law birthday visit and then had this weird psychological thing that found me obsessing and grappling for sugar like no tomorrow in the homestretch. That could have been the corresponding PMS and Carrie-level period I had, but I attribute it more to my brain being unwilling to accept anymore highly-regimented eating.

Funny thing is now that the challenge is off I'm back to a pretty damn good paleo diet. I agree with you, Lolo, that the Whole 30 language is aggressive and off-putting. I remember reading one blogger ask, Why does paleo tend to attract such douches? I think the attitude expressed in the piece you linked to is largely why. As if "clean eating" is some sort of macho moral imperative. I also loathe that term, "eating clean," and the magical thinking that goes with it. And, if I'm being honest, a muscular Crossfit-type body is in no way my goal. (Hell yes, I want to be strong and a touch leaner but ass-kicking, though great for some, is not a major priority for me.) So I'm not a great poster girl for paleo as a "thing" even if I do, mostly, like the way grain- and dairy- and mostly-sugar-free eating makes me feel.

So my plan for myself around this blog is to check in once in a while to see how I feel. But I think I've learnt (YET AGAIN, MY GOD) that as much as booze and sugar make me fat, strict regimenting only makes me obsessed and kookoo.

Somewhere in the middle is a happier and healthier Koko.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Lolo reports on Butterbrain

Hey Koko,

Keep letting Paleo kid eat them whole sticks of butter. Check this out. Teeny tiny study indicates that butter increases brain function. Coconut oil, not so much.  So what's it called? Clarified ghee? Will buy tomorrow!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Lolo Day 29

Today was an unintentional vegan Paleo day. 
Breakfast was an apple and 4 or 5 walnut/date rolls. (yum!)
Lunch was 2-3 handsful of cashews, another apple and another several date rolls.
Dinner was this awesome soup that me and the husband made up. Carrots, olive oil, sweet potatoes  onions, ginger, cashews, garlic, coconut milk, curry, cayenne, all pureed in the blender. It was amazing! And we're going to be so vitamin A-y tomorrow. Oh yeah, I put chicken stock in the soup. Oh well, there goes my vegan theory.
We went to Ghiradelli Square and the old man had a hot chocolate with whipped cream and I had a green tea. There were all these people eating all these hot fudge sundaes out of giant fountain glasses. But it passed and I felt fine about it. Only one more day, then it's Paleo for the less hardcore, yet still conscientious. Which I'm psyched about. Today is the 30th, which makes it the last day for Koko me thinks. How'd that all go? Paleo roundup?

Lolo Day-26, 27, 28, Falling off the Wagon- Getting Back On, Etc.

Day 27 made me realize this.... without wine, I'm kind of an anxious person. Me and the husband decided to just say "fuck it" and grab a glass of wine with dinner. I had 2. But besides that, food was fine. Friday, day 28, was a different story. There was several chocolate bars in the freezer that someone had brought over for a party which had been lingering since New Years Eve. I opened the refrigerator and stared and stared and stared and finally ate about half of one. It was ridiculously delicious. Then, later that night, had several fork fulls of the husbands Indian food, including a few bites of some wheat-a-licious Dosas. Then, day 28, which wasn't a complete failure, but I drank several cups of very caffeinated tea, and probably 3 or 4 of them I added a bit of cream. But besides that, food was fine. So, one day where I totally bit it with food, and the other two days with fluids. Though, I'm not really set up to call a few ounces of cream in my tea complete failure.
And this is why any kind of severe restriction is mentally unhealthy. Because a few ounces of cream in tea is not a failure. I think one of the problems was reading this. Which is incredibly pejorative and creates incredibly polarized thinking. I will say that many many days of eating this way did not change my life for the better. My period was awful. The worst period that I had since I was a young teenager. Clotty, heavy, incredible PMS and something that felt akin to a mood disorder. I felt emotionally as crappy as I did when I was on clomid. My eczema has been bad for most of this experiment, but since really cutting down on nuts the past few days, it's been better.  I don't know about my weight. I will say that I believe I'm eating much more fat and many more calories than I usually do, but I don't think that I am gaining weight. I don't feel like I am at all, so that's pretty interesting and really disproves the calorie is a calorie hypothesis. Yet, I don't know. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday, I'll get weighed then and find out if I've gained any weight. My suspicion is no.  I'm interested in the period thing though. It's not like my eating has been very different. Although, my intake of fruit, nuts and coconut products has increased dramatically. I think there might be a connection between progesterone and coconuts, but I'm unsure. I have today and tomorrow to finish strong, which I think I probably will.
For the most part, I love eating whole unprocessed foods. I think that wheat and my body are not a good combo. But I miss things like refried beans, I miss latte's, and I miss being able to snatch a bite of the husband's brownie or cookie if I want it, or mixing up some almonds and raisins and sunflower seeds and raw honey in goat milk yogurt. Yum, that's good stuff. I don't think I'll do a 30 day experiment like this again, because what is has mostly proven to me is that any kind of food restriction can trigger lots of different eating disorder thoughts and behaviors. Such as, an obsession with chocolate or a brownie, which I've not had since I used to diet. I found myself dreaming of the day we stopped this so that I could have a pancake/cereal/brownie/ice cream party.  Which is interesting because I just really didn't eat like that before this experiment, but the severe restriction creates a bingeing mentality.  It's so good for me to remember that. I am a little nervous about how to stop this without falling prey to some kind of non paleo binge.  So, that's something to meditate on and plan for over the next few days.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Koko, Off the Rails

I took yesterday on with not one but two cups of coffee with cream and a cookie I knew damned well included trans fats. Then I went to (mostly paleo) dinner and had two glasses of wine which I'm sure contained roofies. George Michael on the restaurant stereo made me cry. So did Bruce Springsteen. Later, it was Family Dance Party with the Pogues, the Village People, Stiff Little Fingers and Dexy's (Goddamn) Midnight Runners. Lots of jumping around; more exercise than I had had in days. Followed by Facebook overposting and vivid sad dreams in which I discovered that a former lover had had his portrait drawn by Jaime Hernandez. I woke up (you guessed it:) crying. You see, people, I got drunk and teleported back to 1991 and IT WAS NO GOOD. For the love of Benji, regimenting makes me crazy. Lack of planning makes me crazy. PMS makes me crazy. Apparently two slugs of Folie a Deux make me crazy. Being sick and mothering while my partner is traveling doesn't help. But seriously- what fucking dumb choices I made yesterday.

I wake up today a little shamed and I feel on some level, Now that's more like it.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Days 26-28 Koko

So sick. It's been a tough week of having le crud and Tall Guy being out of town on business. Food is food-- meaty, veggie, lots of eggy-wegs. Lots of walking but no sweating. A bit of yoga here and there, mostly restorative so again no sweat.

I'm very happy other than being cruddy and ill. Looking forward to this challenge being over so I can be enthusiastic about paleo again. Restrictive eating makes me want to "cheat" and binge. I am abusing Lara bars because knowing I "can't" eat and bran muffin makes me mad to get my hands on one. It's so stupid.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Lolo Day 25

I admit, I am relieved that I only have 5 more days of this. Eczema remains at bay. Pink eye is healed up and crimson tide is diminishing. Today was tiring and exhausting. Repetitive.
2 mile run.
coffee-- no time for breakfast-- ran out the house and went to work hungry.
lunch-- sweetpotato, stringbeans, lettuce peppers, salmon
snack--2 oranges
dinner-- chicken tortilla soup sans tortillas, 2 chicken verde tacos
desert-- pineapple & 1/2 pomelo.
time to go to sleep now. xo

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Lolo Day 24

Mmmmm.... I am eating something so fucking crazy delicious that I can just about bust a nut. I will call it Kokoloko Delight..... It's chunks of pineapples and bananas smothered in coconut cream with cinnamon sprinkled on top. It's better than an ice cream sundae.
Today was fine.
I had to get a bunch of blood tests. It was kind of exciting though because I ran into an old friend at the hospital and we wound up chatting for like 1/2 hour, and then we got to talk again tonight.
The phlebotomist was a very angry Chinese lady who told me that she was a nurse before she came to this country but she can't bear to be a nurse here because Americans are all spoiled and have a ridiculous and unrealistic sense of entitlement and they all take too many paper towels when they dry their hands. What do they need all those paper towels for anyway? I was in no state to argue with her being that she had a needle in my vein as she was pulling NINE vials of blood from me. Anyway, she made some very good points, especially when she said, "why do americans need so much money anyway?  you only eat 3 meals a day, so how much money do you need for that?" Good point Mrs. Veinny Popper. She complimented me on my giant veins and said I was  Phlebotomist's dream.
Food was good. I took a day off of exercise. I'm kind of sore from the Vinyasa class.
Breakfast was coffee and a grapefruit and 3 slices of bacon.
Lunch was 1/2 a pomelo and 3 fried eggs and one whole avocado.
Dinner was a stirfry of chard, sweetpotato, chunks of salmon, orange & yellow pepper, garlic, & ginger.
And desert was my banana, pineapple, coconut cream, cinnamon melange.
Eczema hasn't broken out today. Lots of fruit, but no nuts. We'll see how it goes tomorrow too, another day with fruit and no nuts. Maybe the day after I'll switch out fruit for nuts and see if I break out again.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Lolo day 23- The Menses Edition

So, I'm on day 2 of my period and this has got to me the most intense period that I've had since age 13. I am bleeding thick gigantic blood clots, I'm filling up super tampons and leaking through. I've been an emotional wreck, bloated, acne, and not to mention that my eczema has been breaking out in a way that it rarely, rarely does since I've been strict paleo. I wonder if not drinking has thickened up my blood? If so, I need a glass of pinot. STAT.  I've been weepy and bad moodish since Thursday and it seems to be wholly hormonal. I don't usually have emotional periods, but I started PMSing the same day as my pink eye started.
Woke up this morning, coffee & and apple.
3 mile run
came home and ate a minimally processed gigantic turkey sausage
worked for a few hours
came home and ate like half a jar of sunbutter

Vinyasa yoga class
came home and drank some coconut water and ate the remaining half jar of sunbutter with a banana dipped in. Crazy delicious
worked for a few more hours
home and ate two chicken tacos and an orange.

I think I'm addicted to sun butter. It's so, so, so good. But I probably shouldn't be eating a jar in a day.

I'm disturbed by my eczema. It's getting worse rather than better. I guess I can sort of isolate the cause now since my diet is so restricted. I have to either give up nuts/seeds or fruit and see what happens. My hunch is that it's fruit, because I've noticed that this can be related to blood sugar highs.

Day 24 - Koko, back to it

Back to the new normal again. Had a nice brunch of arugula and eggs, some blueberries and tea. Looking forward to getting out for some sun with my little kid (whom I'm also eager to get back on the plan-- he is a straight sleepless freak when he eats grains, dairy and sugar- complete with all-night complaining, kicking legs, and 4am screams).

Spring is springing here in the sweet of winter. I feel good.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Days 21, 22 and 23 Koko es la Fail!

Let's not call it failure. Let's call it:

A maximally-processed Polish dog
Cake (two kinds)
Potatoes with butter
Pinto Beans
and. . . . . . .


It's been three days of much "bad" and much pretty good, given the (visiting in-laws, travelling by Amtrak) circumstances.

I'm tired and I feel fat but I've enjoyed all the yummy stuff and I'm happy about my three-week mark cheat days.

I'm happy to get back on my plan with renewed enthusiasm and I remember now why regementing food like a person who lacks hobbies makes me crazy.

Arrrrriba! (The margarita was tonight),


Lolo Day 22- Pinkish Eye

I have been mostly uncomfortable for days. Honestly, there is nothing more sexy than a grumpy, bloated woman with her period, cystic acne on both her face and her ass,  and an acute case of pink eye. Love this Paleo thing.  This might have been one of my most hormonal cycles ever.  I think that all the fruit is throwing my hormones and sugar out of wack. But I was telling the husband the other day that I think a lot of my fruit craving is also due to the fact that alcohol has been taken out of the equation, so I am craving the sugar that used to be in wine.
Food has been mostly fine, except last night, after seeing Tron we made a stop at Mel's Diner where I ordered a wedge salad. I didn't know there were croutons on it. I tried to avoid those, which I was mostly successful at, but there was this creamy blue cheese dressing that was dribbled on a lot of the salad which was almost impossible to avoid. Oh fucking well.
Thursday, Friday and Saturday have been poor eating days. Because I've been feeling sick, rather than eating sit down meals, I've been grazing all day. An apple here, a handful of macademia nuts there, standing in front of the refrigerator and eating a half a jar of sunbutter (which is my favorite paleo processed food,) a bunch of dates rolled in pecans (yum! thanks Whole Foods), a Lara bar grabbed from the emergency stash in the freezer... but no sitting down for a meal besides dinner. It's been just a ridiculous amount of snacking. When I got sick Thursday night I began craving orange juice like mad. I sent the Goose to Whole Foods to buy unpasteurized, raw, with pulp, orange juice. He came back with 365 brand pasteurized pulp free juice. That's fine. I drank the whole thing in 3 days. I figure if my body wanted it so bad, might as well give it. If coffee is paleo, then surely orange juice is too. Whatevs.
I've been tea bagging myself by sticking green tea bags in my eye. Pink eye is nasty nasty nasty.
Did make a new recipe that both me and the old man love. I cube an eggplant, sautee it in olive oil, add one red onion, a few cubes of diced garlic, throw in a bunch of curry powder and salt and a can of diced tomatoes and hot damn that's yummy.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Day 20 - Koko, PT 2 (Fuck This Edition)

Just wanted to pop back in to say that any eating plan in which me popping an Altoid rather than get my manky coffee breath all over a client in close range is "a cheat" is Le Weiner.

Lolo Day 20- I couldn't agree more

I too am very over this. The intense restriction is unbearably uncomfortable and it's having me obsess about the things that I cannot have. It feels pretty awful. I like Paleo, and I liked how I went Paleo in October, which was mostly Paleo with wine here and there, with dairy here and there, with a bite of ice cream here and there. I was like 80% Paleo. Now I'm 100% and I'm grumpy. I will say that when I did it last time, I felt the benefits, now, I feel no benefits. I feel stressed and resentful. And not only that, I've had things go on in my body that didn't really happen before. Such as increased eczema, painful cystic acne on my face and body and now pinkeye! In 36 years, I've never had pinkeye and now I have pinkeye. It's fucking awful. And my PMS is crappy right now. I've never been this moody with PMS, I usually don't even know I'm getting my period till I get it. 
I'm eating way too much fruit and it's messing with my body intensely.  I'm dizzy and hungry a lot.
But there are a few things that I do like about this 30 day experiment, namely the awesome poops that I'm producing each morning. The other thing is the not drinking thing which I'm really liking. I like not drinking wine with dinner, it helps my sleep and my waking, it also helps me to feel more productive and I also really like being out and not drinking. It feels liberating in a way, I'm more able to focus on my conversations with people, which I definitely can't when I'm drinking. So I think that I will try and continue that. My nails are breaking and peeling, so that's not good either. I don't know exactly why this is. But generally, despite all the claims that 30 days of Paleo will change your life, I don't feel better at all. In fact, I feel worse. I think that it might be for people who have a very poor diet to begin with, but that's not the case for me.
Anyway, I'm grumpy in general today. My eye hurts, I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm staying home in bed all day. lame.

Day 21 - Koko

Just a quick pop-in to say YAY, two thirds finished with this ridiculous exercise that I would never do in "real" life.

I want some moderate drinking, some occasional glutenous indulgence. I'm very much looking forward to a glass of wine, perhaps a piece of pizza. And I am willing to pay the physical price for it. I like moderation- as long as it doesn't bleed into more than occasional days, I want off this all-or-nothing ride.

With unabashed craving,

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Day 20 - Koko

Paleo food, long day. Sick kid, busy busy busy.

But no pink eye!


Lolo Day 18- Pink Eye

ugh, I woke up today with pink eye. no fucking fun. When I called my husband at work to tell him he asked me how I got pink eye. I told him that it was from him sticking his penis in my eyeball when he tried to teabag me the other day. Oh yeah, he teabagged me. Then he teabagged the cat. The cat was nonplussed. I on the other hand was tres' plussed. I also woke up grumpy. Don't know why. It's a beautiful day out. Food has generally been good. I can't really remember what I ate yesterday, but the evening we had Thai food and again, not a good option. I stuck to all sauteed dishes but things came out with sauces that i know must have had some cornstarch, flour, sugar and other non-paleo things. My eczema broke out instantly. then i woke up with this damn pinkeye. I'm very premenstrual, my boobs hurt and i'm grumpy. lame.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Days 18 and 19, Koko

There is only so much I can say about food. I'm still eating it. It's still paleo. Last night found me at a comedy club at which a couple of drinks would really have improved many of the comics' sets. Others were funny funny stuff without any distilled augmentation. I ran a small run today, got some sun, ate some coconut in a borderline-abusive way. Made goat stew! The meat csa has me going all developing nation on myself. It's a good thing.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Lolo Day 17

So I cut down dramatically on fruit today and I actually feel markedly improved. No extreme hunger, which is what I'd been battling with, no eczema breakouts and no feeling like falling asleep in the middle of the day, and the other thing was no crazy food cravings or thinking about food during the day. Which leads me to believe that three doctors might be sort of right about my insulin resistance, as much as I loathe to believe them.

Day off from exercise
Breakfast was 2 giant turkey sausages and one apple with coffee and coconut milk.
Lunch was 3 eggs fried in coconut oil
Snack was 3 tablespoons of straight tahini!
Dinner was turkey, sweet potato, rainbow chard and desert was five dates.

I bought a gigantic fucking organic turkey breast from Whole Foods. I dunno why. Nothing else looked good. So I bought this giant fucking 3 pound turkey breast and I've never cooked anything besides turkey burgers or turkey sausages before, but I decided to cook a turkey breast. The Goose fucking HATED it! He took one bite and said that he didn't really like it. It was admittedly quite dry and gamey. Then he was all concerned that I was upset. I might have squeezed out a few tears. But it was my first turkey and I was attempting something new and I was a little sad that it didn't work. But i chopped it up with a bunch of celery and red peppers and mayonnaise and german mustard and curry, cumin, paprika, tumeric and cayenne, and he tasted it and liked it, so it's going in his lunch pail for tomorrow. I think I will probably be eating turkey for the next few days. And lots of water to go with it.
Otherwise, it's been a lovely day. I'm full of energy and feeling good. And really beginning to dig this no drinking thing. I like how productive I am without my nightly glass of pinot and I like how much energy I have in the morning.  I still fantasize about alcohol, but I'm beginning to understand there's a huge benefit to not drinking.

Lolo Day 16

Dude. Enough with the fruit and nuts already. I admit it. I am a very, very lazy paleo-er. And it's problematic because I've been eating dried fruit like it's going out of style. For instance, yesterday I ate something like 4 servings of organic sugar free freeze dried plaintain chips and probably close to 30 or 40 dates and two apples while I was sitting in the kitchen working.  It was just this kind of mindless eating while I was doing stressful things, like writing process notes, tallying up my 2010 expenses for my taxes, talking to insurance companies, filling out insurance forms, trying to figure out all our credit card debt, reading my horoscope and doing online tarot readings. I was just sitting there snacking as I was taking care of this stuff. Some might call it stress eating or even binge eating. I suppose that's what it might have been. I was just very anxious about what I was doing and kept on grabbing handfuls of dates or plantain chips or chomping on apples.  Unfortunately, due to all this fruit sugar,  my skin is breaking out very badly. I've got these gigantic  painful cysts on my jawline and they hurt.  My sugar intake is through the roof in the form of fruit. I used to eat maybe a couple of fruits a day, and virtually no refined sugar, no cakes, cookies, chocolate, etc. It's not because I'm virtuous, it's because I was getting all my sugar in the form of wine, so my body never had sugar cravings.  Now suddenly it wants sweet fruit all the time.
  So, I'm really going nuts on nuts and fruit. But I think that it's also because vegetables and meat take preparation. They're not grab and go. I'd like, in this second half of our 30 days to decrease fruit and increase meat and vegetables. My skin, I imagine, will thank me.
Okay yesterday: 3.75 mile run
Bkfst- turkey and an apple
Lunch- 800 dates and 3 apples and 2, 643 plantain chips
Snack- Two tablespoons of tahini
Dinner- Two Tacos with chicken, guacamole and salsa
Desert- Smoothie with 1/2 can of coconut milk, 1 banana, and chunks of pineapple.

I will say, I know that in this paleo way of eating, that I am eating way more calories and fat and sugar than usual, however, I think that my weight is staying the same. I don't know as I haven't weighed myself, but my clothes aren't getting any tighter. I did wake up super bloated this morning, but I'm premenstrual.
In other news, my birthday is coming up in 5 weeks and I don't want to sit around and cry this year like I did last year. 2010 can kiss my ass.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 17 -in which Koko puts dairy-free on pause

Music: Gorlliaz, Plastic Beach

Yes, baby. I cooked my family's sweet grass-fed/grass-finished steak in salt-free pastured butter. And I would do it again.

Those Weston Price folks are hardwired into me and I believe in the many virtues of butter.  My child (otherwise pretty intolorent to non-human dairy, as we discovered a few nights ago  -- all sore tummy, stuffy nose, and angry kicking crying all night -- after he had a huge cheese debauch at the grands') eats butter slices as a snack. He ate butter slices with dried pears just this afternoon, in fact.

Plus? It was delicious.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 16 - Koko's Feeling Damn Fine

I feel pretty good today. It's always good to awaken from something that could have been a straight hell hangover debauch and feel gleefully, righteously sober. (If only it didn't mean a lame ass time the night before.) I had a nice day of eating- solid protein, lots of vegs, didn't abuse the coconut.  (I am discovering that abusing coco only abuses Koko and that's no bueno.)

Brunch with friends and then to the race track with other friends. I had the pleasure of watching my kid make $8 on Family Soul for the win. (Got to start them young, but it always suprises me to discover that the race track is decidedly more Bukowski than Thin Man. To my dismay.)

Ran a quick 2 miles and feel nice to have sweated. I want to be mindful that my ability to run isn't tied to being in a manic phase (that's a lower-case M, not pathologizing here). Will attempt this week to go back to my goal of running a short while like this just a few times a week. I'm feeling inspired by my cheesy ballet bar right now, and doing a lot of strength work there. It feels good.

Going to eat some berries with a small amount of coco milk, maybe a few cacao nibbies. I'm also teabagging like a fiend. Thanks for the visual, Lolo gal.

Lolo Day 15- No sugar. No grains. No wine(ing). No Fun. :(

Woke up this morning happy and bright and well rested. Went for a quick 2 mile run. Ate  a turkey sausage, 12 medjool dates, coffee with extra coconut milk. Me and the Goose went to the mall to buy him shoes. Fuck the fucking mall. It's filled with shit that I wanted to eat. For some reason. I wanted to chug diet cokes, lattes', frozen yogurt. Not to mention Mrs. Fields cookies and pizza all over the place. The goose got a giant sized chocolate chip cookie and a latte and I found an apple somewhere.  Then we got home, at a dinner of eggplant, tomatoes, onions, red peppers and some hamburgers. Afterwards he was dismayed that he couldn't find his mall cookie anywhere. So, I went and bought him a brownie from starbucks. I wanted a bite. This is getting lame. Anyway, I'm relaxing with a desert of a baked apple with hot coconut milk as well as a cup of red vanilla tea.
other than that, things are good. My mood is generally light and good. But honestly, I would love a cookie.

Lolo Day 14 - Teabaggin' the cinnamon

As I walked from the kitchen into the bedroom, the Grey Goose asked me what I had in the mug, "it's hot coconut milk with cinnamon and a tea bag in it."
"you're teabaggin' your cinnamon?" he asked.
was a nice day. mostly stayed in and cursed at my computer.
food was coffee and coconut milk,  grilled chicken and sauteed veggies-- many many medjool dates,
baba ghanoush
spaghetti squash and meatballs.
my appetite seems to be evening out a bit. i wasn't as hungry today as I have been.
the Goose was not very happy when he figured out that spaghetti squash wasn't spaghetti with cut up squash in it. When he saw it he commented that it looked like muppet brains. At karaoke we each had seltzer water with a lime but he busted out at one point and came back with two slices of pizza. great. now i'll have to deal with his lactose intolerance giving me dutch ovens all night. dumb.

Day 15 - Koko

Karaoke and sobriety are a dumb combination.


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Lolo Day 14

Agreed. It's getting lame without wine. The husband doesn't even want to go to karoke tonight because we're not drinking. But I think that when we get there, he'll be happy to see all our friends.  But man is he grumpy.  My alcohol cravings are still mostly for a mimosa. Just craving a damn mimosa. The Goose  had to go into the office today because the Middle East never sleeps. I on the other hand am enjoying a glorious 3 day weekend. I didn't work yesterday and what a lovely day it was frolicking about in the sun. Food was awesome till we went out with a friend to Chinese food and she wanted to share everything and the place had nothing steamed. So I ordered things sauteed which I thought would be innocuous, but sure enough it all came with sauces that no doubt contained sugar and cornstarch and probably glutenous and soyanous additives.  I was totally stuck and just ate slowly and mindfully the veggies and meat that were all soaked in evil sauces. Damn. Going out to eat is not a great option these days.   Came home and had a delicious desert of hot coconut milk with cinnamon and bananas all soaked up in it.
I've also swapped out prunes for Medjool dates which are infinitely better on my belly. My digestion feels awesome now.  However, skin still seems to be breaking out, especially on my legs, ass and jawline. Eczema too. Insane with the amount of fish oil and coconut oil and coconut milk I'm taking. But I've made it almost half way through and am feeling great.
Something that has improved greatly is my sleep. I'm sleeping awesome these days and my energy level is good. I was going to go for a run this morning but forced myself not to because I've run 4 days in a row and I don't think that's good for me physically at all. I am pretty sure I need a rest day.
I've been meditating a lot and getting things done like wildfire. Quarterly taxes done! Bills- paid! So I actually think that energy levels and outlook/mood are much enhanced. So that's a positive thing.
Food yesterday is a blur.

I think I had 3 eggs and a banana for breakfast.
Chicken with (homemade!) baba ghanoush for lunch and the end of the pistachios
Snack- 10-12 medjool dates
Dinner - evil chinese food
desert-- 5 or 6 oz of coconut milk with bananas cut up inside.

It's interesting because I know that I'm eating a ton more fat and a ton more calories than I probably usually do, especially with all the canned coconut milk and dried fruit that I'm consuming, but I don't think I'm putting on any weight. That goes to show you about whole foods and high quality fats! Down with franken foods and artificial sweeteners and low fat products. Up with high quality plant based and animal based fats-- good for mood, good for energy, good for sleep, bad for ass zits.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 14 - Koko, A Bit Sick of This

Music: Lou Reed, Transformer

I'm officially sick of this stuff today. Kid had a sleepover pizza party at school this evening, and while we landed up picking the poor goofball up just post-pizza and right before pillow fight at 9pm, for a minute I had this incredible sense of freedom. Where would Tall Guy and I go? What would we do? Well, I wasn't getting excited about drinking (am not) or eating (am limited). The demonstration in front of the cinema was ill-timed. I'm not about to cross a picket line and going to movies is about my only mind-numbing vice of late.

So, piece of fish, black coffee, a crying phone call from the school office, and BOOM: there's your date night.

I'm really wondering how tomorrow's karaoke birthday thing will play with me being all sqeaky-deeky sober. Sometimes social anxiety is a drag.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Lolo Day 12

Oops, yesterday I said was day 12, but today is really day 12.
Damn. I'm hungry and I'm eating a ton. I'm also craving craving craving. Mostly mimosas and wine and mojitos and other such sorts of libations.

Okay, so quick pre-run meal of one apple and a handful of pecans.
5k run.
Breakfast: 1/2  of a chicken (!!!) and 3 handfuls of pistachios.
Lunch: 1 banana and a handful of cashews plus a handful of pistachios.
Snack: 1 apple, 1 orange, another banana.
Dinner: 3/4 of a chicken.  Desert another banana.

My husband literally put his hand on my hand as I tore through my second whole chicken of the day and gently, sadly, said to me, "don't you think you've had enough?"

But Lolo, I thought you were going to take a few days off from nuts!  Yes, yes, I think I will to see if that's what's affecting the eczema.  I also seem to be getting cystic acne. And it's on my ass. Oh yes. It's not enough that I spent the week farting and pooping, but now I've got a massive case of buttne. And it's not even the cute buttne that litters the butt cheeks like cute little red angry freckles. These cysts are popping out right under my butt cheeks, where the cellulite lives. And they are painful. Sitting on the toilet seat hurts. The Goose thinks it comes from wearing the same pants 2 or 3 days in a row. I doubt it. I have no idea what it's about.
The funny thing about going so strictly Paleo is that I'm eating crazy large amounts of foods in a way that I usually don't. I'm going balls up with both fruit and nuts. I'm going to turn into a Lara bar in the next day or so. I might even turn Amish!  I'll be all, "all buttons no zippers!"
I don't know why I'm eating so much more than usual. It's interesting to me. I think I'm trying to curb my cravings and eating a whole lot of food is helpful in that respect.  I also notice that not drinking alcohol causes me to eat more.  Probably the things that I'm missing the most here are dairy and alcohol. Damn, whine & cheese. What the fuck kind of a yuppie am I? Jeez Louise.
Well I'm off to dream world with a very full belly.
yours in love and other indoor sports,
Senora Lolo.

Days 12 and 13 - Koko Abuses Coconut Milk and Quotes a Dalai Lama

"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

But I love my grasping and clinging! I am, as ever, the weakest kind of human: all full of ego and desires. I'm also grateful and working on chilling (the fuck) out. And, yeah, I may be abusing coconut products. And/or dried fruit. My nightly snack is dried fruit soaked in coco milk, flax seeds, cacao nibs (which are yak-narsty without the sweetness of raisins to bolster them. I'm sorry but it's true).

I should and maybe will back off and cool it on the sweet stuff, but my main goal here isn't weight loss, just a touch of the old reprogramming. I want to kill off my carby, boozy cravings, then work on getting more sleep. After sleep, more running; after running I'll think about weight loss. I did take a huge long walk today, jumped around a lot multiple times singing to an audio version of this one, my kid's current favorite.

And now, sleeping. Because coconut time is over.


No. More. Prunes. EVER!


Sad. I love prunes. I somehow don't know how to eat them in moderation though and sorely paid for it at about 1am. They're just so yummy and delicious, nature's favorite candy... 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Lolo- Day Twelve

Very minor slip today, but still a slip. Was at the doctors office and got a tea and added one Land O'Lakes mini moo small half and half container. Probably a tablespoon of half and half. I don't know why I did it. I just lost my resolve. I wanted that damn tea and there was no coconut milk around. I was sad. Oh well. I don't have the gumption to start from day one again either, so still it's okay.

3 mile run.
breakfast- nothing. ran out the door with a cup of coffee and coconut milk.
at the doctor's tea with said mini moo. 
lunch- leftover meatloaf and chard. one grapefruit, one apple, 2 handfuls of walnuts 4 prunes. Wanted more prunes, I could have eaten the whole damn bag, but didn't want a repeat of yesterday's fartpocalypse.
snack- apple, cup of tea with coconut milk
dinner-- two grilled chicken tacos with salsa and guacamole-- give away tortillas-- 2 handfuls of walnuts, rest of the bag of prunes.

Looks like the Grey Goose is gonna have to face the fartpocalypse alone in bed tonight while I sleep peacefully.

too tired to write more. work is hard......

Day 11 - Koko Pt 2: Thai Poisoning

Holy cow, peeps. I ate at a restaurant tonight. Thai food: lemongrass chicken, bunch of vegetables.Tofu on the plate that I didn't eat. And sugar sugar, oh boy.  It wasn't particularly sauce-y but man-i-low, I felt high after I ate it and I feel sick and bloaty now.

Tall Guy and I went to a movie (The Fighter. Go see it- especially if you are like me and only think sexy thoughts about Christian Bale when he is at his least, shall we say, conventionally attractive.) and then I came home to four pints of water and me feeling exhausted.

How nice to feel the difference between eating well and eating "normally." I am not hard enough core to restart my 30 days; I feel comfortable with the choices I made today. But I plan to take it really easy tomorrow. Maybe some fasting until the afternoon? I'll see what my body tells me, Anakin.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Lolo- Day Ten

Yay Koko! Yay for self advocacy! Yay for being numero uno! I love that post.

I am well. Happy to be back here and back to work and back to my kitty cat who is snuggled up next to me on this cold California night.

Food was filling today. I skipped breakfast and jumped out of bed late. At noon I had a quick lunch break with chicken tortilla soup where I sadly picked out the tortillas and the manchego cheese and corn. But it was full of chicken and avocados and cilantro and onions which were yummy.

I went shopping at whole foods at about 3:30 and there was a special on winter greens, so I bought two batches of chard, one red and one rainbow. I bought a bunch of fruit and came home and had an apple, a grapefruit and several handfuls of prunes. Which was bad because I wound up having awful farts during my last client. I thought I was going to explode. I LOVE prunes. They are my favorite fruit/snack and according to Chad Hamilton, they have a super high oxygen radical absorbence capacity score. I barely even know what that means, nor do I care. But I love them so much. But they don't love me. Farting incessantly and trying to pretend that I wasn't in session was mortifying.

Dinner was chard and tomatoes all stewed up together and meatloaf and sweet potato fries baked with curry and olive oil dipped in salsa. Yummy. Desert, an apple accompanied by, you guessed it. More farts. 

Not drinking is getting easier. It helps that the goose is staying clean with me and we keep on marveling at all the $moola$ we're saving. We use to go through at least 3 bottles of wine a week between the two of us. That's like close to $200 a month! Not to mention if we went out we'd order beer or wine. Now, none of that. I mean, not to get to pious or anything, it's only been 11 days. Tonight was the first night that I had no craving for wine. So that's good. I really do enjoy coming home in the eve and relaxing with a nice goblet of pinot. But it's becoming more about tea. I like tea too. With that, I leave you with my Koko inspired Diana Ross tribute of the day.

Day 11 - Koko's Number One!

It's my 11th day and it's 1-11-11 Day. Know what that means, folks? I am resolving to make my sweet self Numero Uno for once and for all. Starting today. Does that mean I will be a selfish cad and get all Me First on everyone? No it does not. I expect to conduct myself with the comportment befitting a woman of my advanced age and all that jazz. What it does mean is that I will put myself first in matters of self care. No more "this sucks, but if it makes you happy. . ." No more chasing things that are bad for me. No more "haven't got time" for myself. No more instant gratification.

There can be only one (of me, but you can be your #1 too.) I am a rock. I am an island. I am the frackin' cheese. Kneel before me and my feats of self-actualization.

And, let's talk BMI. Lolo sweetly commented on her last post that she and I differ in height and weight but have similar BMIs. A nice thought, but chickieboo runs a lot more than I. She is a trim little wisp of a thing. And I am not. And that's okay. I'm getting there.

What I really want to say about BMIs is that the term always reminds me of either bowel movements or the dumb Sex Pistols song of the same name. There is no You Tube video for that song, but there is this, which I feel compelled to share. Because, well- because it features the very babyfaced solo front-boy in a thong. And doesn't that just make your Tuesday?

(Edited to add: I keep neglecting to track my food because it's boring. Meat, meat, fish. Coconut milk, veg, some fruit. Lots of tea. Keepin' on.)

Monday, January 10, 2011

Lolo-Day Nine

WTF is Niacin? Some kind of cult? Anyway, Paleokid shouldn't join that brown rice eating cult. Not good. 

Today was travel all day and very, very challenging. I was on a plane for 7 hours. And we had a delay at the airport, which was awful. So, for food:
breakfast was coffee with coconut milk, lots of steak and mushrooms, and a giant grapefruit.
lunch was a salad at the airport which had lettuce, chicken, golden raisins, slivered almonds, and it had some feta which I did my best to avoid, but I know that some wound up in my mouth and within moments I had that same old phlegm plug in my throat. (pretty, huh?)
then we were delayed at the airport. I bought a giant sack of cashews, raisins and almonds, which had 7 servings of which I ate all.
then, on the plane-- more nuts, several handfuls of pistachios and cashews from the bag that I packed from whole foods before I left.  Then, two packs of the Jet blue cashews as well as a seemingly un-paleo can of tomato juice, which wasn't too bad, tomatoes and ascorbic acid and salt, but still...
got home and ate a bunch of walnuts and some organic 100% orange juice. 

Not my finest 5 days of Paleo, but I must say that for 5 days traveling, I think I improvised pretty well. Thursday we were on the plane all day, Friday we were in a car for 7 hours, Sunday we were in a car for 5 hours and today we were in the airport and airplane for a total of 10 hours.  Again, not the bestest Paleo ever, but the improvising was good. I would have waited to start until tomorrow knowing that we were going to my folks, but I wanted to try and see if I could do it there. It honestly felt close to impossible. But I'm happy to be back to my apples and eggs and steaks.
I am unsure what I weigh. I was at the doctor on December 2nd and I weighed 128.5. I imagine that I added to that in the month of December.  I don't think that I actually drop pounds with Paleo, but I notice that I tend to eat a lot when I'm doing Paleo. I'm okay with that. I like how much more aware I am of what food does to my body.
For instance, I never noticed the phlegm that accompanies dairy. But, whoomp there it is. Also, I am noticing right now that my eczema spots are tingling and will probably break out soon. I am pretty sure it's the nuts. I know that I'm allergic to brazil nuts. My throat closes up and gets all painful and scratchy. I never really noticed that until a few years ago when i bought a ton of Brazil nuts and ate them.  I used to always go to my Grandma's house and crack open her Brazil nuts and chow down on them. I'd always notice that I'd get a sore throat. But I thought that it was because I'd also always dig through the medicine cabinets and pop a couple of xanax or valium or whatever else fun I could find, and I thought that God was punishing me for being a Grandma Cowboy by giving me a sore throat.  But then, several years ago when I tried this wacky WaiDiet where you basically just eat raw fish, fruit and raw brazil nuts and I sat and ate a bag of brazil nuts one afternoon with nothing else and got the crazy closed throat and pain and it was awful. That's when I discovered I was allergic to Brazil nuts. I experimented on and off. Yup. Definitely allergic. So, it wouldn't be impossible to think that I'm allergic to other tree nuts. I don't want to give them up, but it might be useful to give them up for a day or two then reintroduce and see what happens with the skin. Okay, Lolo exhausted. Out.

Day 10 - Koko, Quick and to the Pointless (so they say)

Just popping in to say that the Tall Guy is not only eating a brownie- he's eating a mess-you-up brownie. And drinking a beer.

Me? Some ginger tea. I made sweet steaks with kale and cabbage and the kiddo ate at least 4oz of meat for dinner. He has a hollow leg. Anyway, good thing for me that mess-you-up is totally not my drug, and I hate the smell so much that I've never even had a beer or I might have to wring the Tall Guy's pale, carb-lovin' neck.

I just share this by way of showing that two people can be doing polar opposite things and still live under the same roof. Often without wanting to kill eachother.

That brownie does smell awfully good though. I ordered some raw cacao nibs (just one letter away from caca) and I look forward to their arrival next week. I have pudding plans for some enchanted future PMSing evening.

Koko- Morning Weight What? Also-- You're Starving Your Kid!!

So I've started looking at the scale again. What a massive headfuck. If I weigh first thing in the morning it's 158, 159. Later in the day it's 162. Same clothes. This is consistent through this past week. The numbers are fine; I'm not trippin' and my weight does seem to be going in the right direction. One thing that strikes me is, holy cow, does that mean I'm eating just too too much? I'm not eating to stuffed and I'm walking around a lot during the day (though I am not yet galvanized into a proper workout frame of mind). But is a difference of 3 or 4 pounds "normal" through the course of a day? It's all pretty ridiculous: my clothes feel the same morning and evening. I need to just normalize this style of eating and not worry so much about the weight loss aspect. The weight will go. The weight is going.

Post-script-- My sister and mother have been asking about what it means for my kid to eat this way. "What about Niacin?" my sister said with great concern. Funny thing is, this is nearly identical to the way he was eating before (when I was too lazy to soak, and thus cook, beans and grains). For a bit of comparision I give you Robb Wolf, who has done the work of laying all out so I don't have to.

Also, there is this:

from here. I don't see a grain on this chart and Kiddo ate half a chicken for breakfast today. I think we have niacin covered around here.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lolo- Day Eight

Falling asleep... just gonna check in with food for the day.

Spent the entire day with the family.

Breakfast-- piece of bacon and an apple coffee with coconut milk.

Lunch-- orange, lettuce, crab salad.

dinner-- tons of meat-- steak AND chicken AND a hamburger!!!!!!!!!!!!! (zoinks) avocado, lettuce, tomato, mushrooms, onions, lots of seltzer with lemons and limes squeezed in.

desert-- one clementine, one gigantic grapefruit.

cup of tea with coconut milk.

Am noticing how hard it is to do this at my parents' house. It's not completely convenient and i know that my food is really out of my control. But it's a good exercise in knowing that I can do this when I am out of my element. Am also noticing that having strict, rigid rules make me have fantasies of binge eating or ideas about gorging myself on things like diet coke and diet ice cream. Interesting. When I did Paleo previously, I was not super rigid, for example, I'd stop off and have a decaf latte' once in a while or a bite of something non paleo every once in a while. But for these 30 days, I've committed to clean Paleo eating. we'll see how that works out. The one thing I've noticed different-- cystic acne. what? what? I don't believe in the myth of detoxing. My diet was quite clean before (barring the month of December) and I didn't have this going on. My hormones are being wacky. As I said before, I think it might be nuts. That's my big difference, eating tons of nuts. I am cutting down on them for a few days and see if it makes a difference. Are coconuts a nut?  Spent the eve with the husband and the brother watching the Big Lebowski. The three of us spent the day down in Key Largo with the parents where we frolicked in the mangroves, picked fresh key limes and everyone indulged in fresh made key lime pie ('cept me who ate fresh crab, lettuce and orange). Dad made a comment that the key limes would be awesome in a gin and tonic. When we got home he made drinks all around. I had key limes squeezed in seltzer. After he parents went to sleep, my brother stood in the garage smoking weed while I made tea and the Goose ate the gooey fresh brownies that my stepmother made. The other thing that I notice is that I'm eating more than I want and need to compensate for not eating other things. I've been almost trying to stuff myself with meat and fruit so that I can deal with the food around me. I think that will change when we get back to California. That's pretty uncomfortable because I'm feeling really stuffed and my pants are feeling a bit snug. But I know that will change when I get out of this house of temptation filled with it's evil brownies and chocolate covered macadamia nuts and big bags of chips and bagels and cream cheese, and ice cream and of course lots and lots of booze.

Day Nine- Koko

Weight, 162 and change. Breakfast of proteins and arugula salad at my favorite local place here. So, so, so tired. I keep fiddling with writing (elsewhere) and I'm pretty occupied with coming up with recipes for my business.

I'm never in bed before 1am lately. It has to stop. I resolve this week to get 8 hours of sleep a night. Sleeeeeep! Everybody's doin' it (but me).

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Lolo- Day Seven

Quick update.

lovely 3.5 mile run this morning. perfect running weather. sunny and breezy 70 degrees. 

breakfast: 4 eggs, coffee with coconut milk some carrots and fruit salad.

lunch: (picnic on the beach with the husb, brother, and parents!) tuna, celery, carrots, tangerine

dinner: miso soup (leave the tofu) lots of sashimi, seaweed salad, avocado, green tea, no rice sushi roll.

desert: fruit salad and Lara bar.

Have been mostly feeling over full lately. Think I am eating more than I need. It's a good opportunity to listen to my body more and not eat more than I need. I think also being at my parents' place makes me full and eat a bit more than I need also. I've been kind of bloated and uncomfortable.

Day Eight- Koko

Today I got my hair did and made some yummy facial masks so I feel prettier than I did an hour ago. My dudes are sleeping like the lazy sods they are and I'm checking in. Tired, I'm not noticing a tremendous improvement in skin or mental well-being just yet. I'm eating paleo and not physically craving much though I do have nightly emotional cravings for the sweet and woozy stuff. These are the habits I know take a lot of time to change. The physical part is easy.

I made a bunch of paleo-friendly food for my mom who is trying to lose weight and recovering from surgery. She's basically unable to cook for herself and I will hope she eats all the good stuff and leaves the Cheerios and bread that is filling her kitchen to the rafters alone.

That's it-- off to wake my lazy family and go out for a burger and salad. No food in the house.


Day Seven- Koko

Food is easy, all is well. Breakfast was an egg, coffee, banana and a teensy slice of meatloaf. No lunch. At 5 I snacked on the kid's leftover lunch (little salmon cakes) and then had late dinner that is referenced below. After that I had some dried apricots and fresh blueberries in coconut milk. Yums.

I spent the better part of my non-work, non-mothering time today crafting a letter I will probably never send. I'm emotionally exhausted and this no wine-no chocolate stuff is for the buttercuppin' birds.

However, I did come up with a rad new song tonight at our dinner of Spaghetti (squash) and Meatballs. To the tune of Black Flag's TV Party, I give you:

Pasta party tonight!
Pasta party tonight!

We're gonna have a pasta party tonight!


We're gonna have some caveman pasta alright!


We've got lots of runnin' to do
Let's chow down and have some paleo foods

Don't talk about gluten and booze
We don't wanna know!
We're dedicated
To our favorite PRO(teins):






Pork chop!





. . .and it could go on like that.


Friday, January 7, 2011

Lolo- Day Six

This is getting hard. Doing this and not being in my own home with my own bare cupboards.
But, alas, I am still diehard, in a restaraunt, on the road (spent 7 hours in the car today), at my parents house, etc.

Went to visit my Aunt and Grandma and cousin today in a neighboring town. Not a super easy visit.  Grandma is really getting up there in years (88!) and not aging well or gracefully. Her mind is going, her body is going and she's all lethargic and not herself. That was hard, but not the worst part of the visit. Afterward, my Aunt, my cousin and I went for lunch. At this point my Aunt told me that my Grandma requested that she not be be buried in the plot next to my Grandpa's (who died 32 years ago). And then my Aunt went on to tell me that she recently found out that my Grandpa used to beat the crap out of my Grandma. I knew that he was very abusive toward my mother and Aunt, but I didn't know that he was also beating up my Grandma. Then I found out that she tried to leave when my mom was a baby, but her mother (my great grandma) said that she couldn't come home and "you made your bed, lay in it." Disgusting.  But the point is, my Aunt wants to bury my grandmother in a whole different state then where my mother and grandfather is. And so my Aunt wants us to dig up my mother and transport her remains across the country so she can be buried with her and my Grandma. It was not the conversation I wanted to have. 
Then, to make matters worse, I found out that my cousin, who is 33 years old is about to become a Grandmother. Yup, her 18 year old is preggers. Okay, it's her 18 year old stepdaughter. Her husband is 36. He had her with his first wife at 18, and now he's going to be a real Grandfather at 36.  My cousin herself has  three beautiful kids of her own, an 11 year old, an 8 year old and a 5 year old.  Now, the last shocker of the day is that she and her husband are getting a divorce. They've been married for 12 years. My aunt told me and said that she was totally blindsided. I asked her what happened and my aunt said, "she's just done!" So, then I asked my cousin and she said that she was bored and that he's a workaholic, and the whole relationship made her miserable, so she left him.  So, now it's her and the three kids. I was feeling nervous, but she seems happy about the whole thing. She said that she's going out and having fun, and meeting people, and she went to massage school and skin care school and now she's going to start working, which is cool because I don't think that she ever has worked before. She married the dude she went to high school prom with. In fact, she couldn't even drink legally at her wedding. So it seems like she's ready for the next phase of her life. And she looks beautiful and seems happy. But man, what a shocker of a day! Lot's going on with my family. I was overwhelmed on the way home.

Food was. coffee and coconut milk
steak & eggs


lunch: gigantic salad with eggs, chicken, ham, bacon, olive oil, soup with spinach, bacon, onions, tea

dinner: more salad, thai coconut soup with chicken, chicken breast, ribs, big fruit salad.

no exercise today.

My eczema continues to break out and not only that, I'm breaking out with cystic acne on my face and ears.  I'm wondering if I'm eating too many nuts. I've got an allergy to Brazilian nuts, so I've just been eating walnuts and cashews and pecans and macademias and pistachios and almonds and coconuts. I've been eating these things by the bucketful. I'm thinking I might try to cut down on nuts and see how that goes.

Yeah, I can't recall ever buying a pastry at a cafe. But it's mostly because I don't necessarily crave them. I don't have a huge sweet tooth. If I am craving sweets, it's not like a pastry, but more likely a cookie or a brownie. Once in a while I'll get one of those, but my breakfast cravings are more for things like bagels & cream cheese.

kisses kisses kisses.

Days Five and Six, Koko Dreams of Cake and Chocolate Nepenthe

Keeping up the paleo eating. Adding squats and crunches to my daily routine. In bed by 10 last night. No news and few signs of life to report on from this planet but I wanted to duck in to comment on a few of the things Ms. Lolo has posted of late.

Firstly, what, Lolo? You have never bought a pastry? That is straight nuts, but it also explains why you are a trim little thing and I am not. I love a pastry, and damn it if a smoke and a coffee and a little buttery something don't sound really nice right now. A wintertime treat that would feel warm and delicious (and very sick-making*).

Instead I have had a hard boiled egg, a banana, a black coffee from the old Euro-style coffee place near my office. Good enough fuel for a busy day ahead.

Also? Chocolate-flavored wine? My GODS, add some nicotine or maybe a light opiate and you have created my favorite beverage ever. Sweet liquid Nepenthe, I am all over your ass.

But no wine and no chocs for me lately. Lots of whining, though. If only in my mind. It's a process.

I have several posts in my brain but this is the quick one I am scratching off to check in, acknowledge I am still on-plan, and keep accountable.


*This is a topic to explore in a future post. I generally eat well but I sometimes really crave, really relish, the sinking feeling of cigarette sickness, of a slight hangover. That dull throbbing that comes from succumbing to ill health and bad behavior. What is that, I wonder? Does anyone else get that too?