Sunday, January 30, 2011

Lolo Day-26, 27, 28, Falling off the Wagon- Getting Back On, Etc.

Day 27 made me realize this.... without wine, I'm kind of an anxious person. Me and the husband decided to just say "fuck it" and grab a glass of wine with dinner. I had 2. But besides that, food was fine. Friday, day 28, was a different story. There was several chocolate bars in the freezer that someone had brought over for a party which had been lingering since New Years Eve. I opened the refrigerator and stared and stared and stared and finally ate about half of one. It was ridiculously delicious. Then, later that night, had several fork fulls of the husbands Indian food, including a few bites of some wheat-a-licious Dosas. Then, day 28, which wasn't a complete failure, but I drank several cups of very caffeinated tea, and probably 3 or 4 of them I added a bit of cream. But besides that, food was fine. So, one day where I totally bit it with food, and the other two days with fluids. Though, I'm not really set up to call a few ounces of cream in my tea complete failure.
And this is why any kind of severe restriction is mentally unhealthy. Because a few ounces of cream in tea is not a failure. I think one of the problems was reading this. Which is incredibly pejorative and creates incredibly polarized thinking. I will say that many many days of eating this way did not change my life for the better. My period was awful. The worst period that I had since I was a young teenager. Clotty, heavy, incredible PMS and something that felt akin to a mood disorder. I felt emotionally as crappy as I did when I was on clomid. My eczema has been bad for most of this experiment, but since really cutting down on nuts the past few days, it's been better.  I don't know about my weight. I will say that I believe I'm eating much more fat and many more calories than I usually do, but I don't think that I am gaining weight. I don't feel like I am at all, so that's pretty interesting and really disproves the calorie is a calorie hypothesis. Yet, I don't know. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday, I'll get weighed then and find out if I've gained any weight. My suspicion is no.  I'm interested in the period thing though. It's not like my eating has been very different. Although, my intake of fruit, nuts and coconut products has increased dramatically. I think there might be a connection between progesterone and coconuts, but I'm unsure. I have today and tomorrow to finish strong, which I think I probably will.
For the most part, I love eating whole unprocessed foods. I think that wheat and my body are not a good combo. But I miss things like refried beans, I miss latte's, and I miss being able to snatch a bite of the husband's brownie or cookie if I want it, or mixing up some almonds and raisins and sunflower seeds and raw honey in goat milk yogurt. Yum, that's good stuff. I don't think I'll do a 30 day experiment like this again, because what is has mostly proven to me is that any kind of food restriction can trigger lots of different eating disorder thoughts and behaviors. Such as, an obsession with chocolate or a brownie, which I've not had since I used to diet. I found myself dreaming of the day we stopped this so that I could have a pancake/cereal/brownie/ice cream party.  Which is interesting because I just really didn't eat like that before this experiment, but the severe restriction creates a bingeing mentality.  It's so good for me to remember that. I am a little nervous about how to stop this without falling prey to some kind of non paleo binge.  So, that's something to meditate on and plan for over the next few days.

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